Top 50 Coffee Jokes

by | Oct 1, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, School Jokes

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More Coffee Jokes…

(Coffee Jokes)

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best coffee jokes.
  2. My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”… I told him I drink it. (Dentist Jokes)
  3. So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks… and shouts, “gimme a tea!” (Tea Jokes & Cheerleading Jokes)
  4. What’s a shark’s favorite coffee shop?… Shark-bucks. (Shark Jokes)
  5. Why don’t dementors drink coffee?… Because they hate Espresso Patronum.
  6. What is a wizard’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum.
  7. What do yuppie sharks like to drink?… Jaw-va.
  8. Why do sharks live in salt water?… Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
  9. How do sharks stay up all night?… They drink jaw-va.
  10. What did the coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Nurse Jokes)
  11. What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh coffee in the break room. (Nurse Jokes)
  12. I don’t think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend… I think of it as being an hour closer to coffee. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  13. What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush?… “Espresso yourself.”
  14. Where do college basketball players always get their coffee?… Dunkin’ Donuts! (Donut Jokes & March Madness Jokes)
  15. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?… Sanka. (Ocean Jokes)
  16. Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
  17. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?… I asked for coffee.
  18. Where does Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?… Star-bucks. (Christmas Eve Jokes)
  19. There is a time and a place for decaf coffee… Never, and in the trash. 
  20. I just read that every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children… How do we sleep at night? (180 School Jokes)
  21. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go… The coffee gets up and leaves.
  22. I went to the coffee shop and asked the barista how much a cup of coffee was. He said, “Two dollars and the refills are free.” I said, “Great, I’ll have a refill then.”
  23. What did the coffee say after getting hit by an earthquake?… I’m shaken but not stirred. (Earthquake Jokes)
  24. What do you call sad coffee?… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
  25. What is the unofficial song for National Coffee Day?… Black Coffee in Bed! (Music Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  26. I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  27. How does Moses make his coffee?… Hebrews it.
  28. How are coffee beans like middle school kids?… They’re always getting grounded. (Middle School Jokes)
  29. Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
  30. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)
  31. The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves… Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce? 
  32. I drink so much coffee at work… I consider it part of my daily grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  33. I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker… It has a lot of perks. 
  34. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today… I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. ((Police Jokes)
  35. What did the coffee lover name his son?… Joe, obviously.
  36. What does the Cat in the Hat use to make his coffee?… A purr-colator. (Cat Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  37. What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Star Wars Jokes)
  38. What do lobsters drink in the morning?… Clawfee. (Lobster Jokes)
  39. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about coffee?
  40. Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black?… There is no more KAREEM. (Basketball Jokes)
  41. Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion. 
  42. The worst thing about being a giraffe is that your coffee gets cold by the time it reaches your belly. (Giraffe Jokes)
  43. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?… Because he was pressed for time. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  44. What are coffee shops in Russia called?… Tsarbucks. (World Geography Jokes)
  45. How do you make Pig Jerky?… Give them some coffee. (Pig Jokes)
  46. Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Police Jokes)
  47. What is best Beatles coffee song?… Latte Be! (Music Jokes)
  48. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good coffee knock-knock joke?
  49. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” (Milk Jokes)
  50. A newlywed religious couple are lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?” The wife replies, “That’s your job.” The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?” The wife replies, “The bible; it’s on just about every page.” The husband says, “No it isn’t! The bible don’t say anything about brewing coffee!” The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.” (Valentine’s Day Jokes)