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Top Joke Pages:
Summer Guest Blogs & Summer Jokes for Kids
- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best lobster jokes.
- What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?… Claw-strophobic. (Psychology Jokes)
- Why did the lobsterman bring crayons to the Lobsterfest?… So he could draw butter. (Butter Jokes & Crayon Jokes)
- Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster… (Book Jokes & Maine Jokes)
- I was at a restaurant last night and I asked the waiter, “How do you prepare the lobster?” He said, “We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line.” (Cemetery Jokes)
- Weren’t you a professional lobster fisherman?… Yes, but it seems that living on my net income was harder than I thought beforehand. (Labor Day Jokes)
- What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?… The lobsters in the kitchen.
- In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?… The crust station. (Labor Day Jokes & Bread Jokes)
- A man ordered lobster for dinner…And when the waiter brought it to him, he complained, “Hey, this lobster has only one claw!”The waiter said, “That lobster was in a fight.”“Okay then,” replied the man, “Bring me the winner!” (Boxing Jokes)
- Maine: We’re Really Cold… But We Have Cheap Lobster. (Maine Jokes)
- Why don’t lobsters share?… They’re shellfish.
- What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?… One’s a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean. (Lobster Jokes & Bus Jokes)
- Why did the lobster blush?… It saw the ocean’s bottom. (Ocean Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
- What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?… She lobster job. (Labor Day Jokes & Maine Jokes)
- What did the lobster fisherman say when he found his crate empty on the wharf?… There a-piers to be a problem. (Fishing Jokes)
- There are no hipster lobsters… In a Maine stream! (Maine Jokes)
- Why did the lobster take such a long time to learn just the basics of the English alphabet?… Probably because he spent a lot of years at C. (Jokes for Teachers)
- Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym?… It pulled a mussel.
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about lobsters?
- Irish Lobsters: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.”We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers.””Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.The constables looked at each other and one said,”We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.””Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?”The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow. (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
- What is a lobster’s favorite shot in tennis?… The “lob” of course! (Sports Jokes for Kids & Tennis Jokes)
- I was a professional lobsterman… but I couldn’t live on my net income. (Labor Day Jokes)
- What did the confused lobster ask when he didn’t understand?… Can you please be a little more pacific? (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
- What music does a lobster listen to?… Bisque-o. (Music Jokes)
- What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?… Claw-strophobic. (Psychology Jokes)
- What do you call an annoyed lobster?… A frustacean.
- Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?… He did it on porpoise.
- Who brings presents to lobsters?… Santa Claws! (Christmas Jokes)
- If you bring lobster to class, you better share… Or else it would be shellfish. (Jokes for Teachers)
- Have you seen my lobster?… He’s a lost claws.
- Why was the ocean screaming?… You would too if you had lobsters on your bottom. (Ocean Jokes)
- Did you have the lobster bisque tonight for the first time?… Yes, and it was souper good.
- What would you call a marine crustacean who’s the gangster of the sea?… The mobster lobster.
- In which part of the pizza factory do lobsters work?… The crust station. (Labor Day Jokes & Bread Jokes)
- Did you hear about the fight at red lobster?… Four fish were battered! (Fishing Jokes)
- How does a lobster answer the phone?… Shello?
- I dated a woman who thought she was a lobster… She was the most shellfish person I ever met.
- Where do lobsters go when they need to borrow some money?… To the prawn brokers.
- I was boiling a lobster, and it started screaming…I felt bad, so I drove it to the woods and set it free.
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good lobster knock-knock joke?
- Why are lobsters bad at relationships?… Too shellfish.
- Why did the lobster cross the road?… It wanted to get to the other tide.
- Where does a lobster keep its clothes?… In the clawset.
- What did the guy lobster ask the girl lobster at the ball?… “Shell we dance?” (Dance Jokes)
- Why is the lobster wearing seashells?… She was shore they were current-ly trending.
- Lobster Lawyer: He goes up to the bartender and says: “Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I’m a lawyer.” “Blimey… A lobster lawyer? That is impressive,” says the bartender. The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document that looks to be at least 100 pages. He slides it to the bartender. “This is a legal contract that covers all the questions usually asked of me whenever I walk into a bar. I’ve just finished a pretty rough case and would like to get to drinking as soon as possible, so if we could skip over the usual jokes and just get through this without delay I’d be much obliged.” The bartender looks at the lobster carefully, but soon nods in agreement. “Fair enough, mate,” he says. “Let’s work through this.” The bartender flips over the cover page and starts reading aloud. “‘Point 1: I am a lobster of legal drinking age and you’ll find in Annex A a copy of my legally acceptable identification.’ Well, okay, no problems there. “‘Point 2: You can serve me more than water and are absolved of any misfortune that befalls me while drinking at your establishment.’ What’s your favorite drink?” “Vermouth, usually,” says The Lobster, “but I’m hoping for a few stiff glasses of whiskey tonight.” “Okay,” the bartender continues reading, “‘Point 3: We’ve established I am a lawyer, and therefore reasonably wealthy. This should assuage any fears you might have about my capability to settle my tab, but I am happy to pay up front if you have any concerns.’” The Lobster slaps a crisp $50 bill onto the bar. “Well alright then,” says the bartender. “There’s just one more point to read and agree to,” says The Lobster. The bartender raises an eyebrow, seeing that he’s still on page one and there are a considerable amount of pages left to read, and quickly flips through a number of the pages to confirm that there is, in fact, writing on every page. “Look,” he says, “before I read the rest, I have to ask: why the large clause?” The Lobster gives a little sigh. “Dunno,” he says. “I’m a lobster. I guess I’ve always had them.” (Lawyer Jokes)
- Why were the lobsters out celebrating?… Probably because it was the festive sea-son.
- What’s a lobster’s favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar?… The crust station. (Pizza Jokes)
- What is the basic difference between a lobster and a mobster?… Just one ransom letter.