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High School Psychology Lessons & Bullying Prevention Blogs
Google Search “Psychology Jokes”
- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best psychology jokes.
- What do you call a relaxed octopus?… A calm-ari! (Octopus Jokes)
- What do you call a lobster who’s uncomfortable with tight spaces?… claw-strophobic. (Psychology Jokes)
- I can’t eat any boiled lobster, clam, or shrimps… I have some shellfish steamed issues. (Psychology Jokes)
- Lobster Pun: The lobster said he was going to dive into the pot of boiling water, and everybody thought he was cray-sea.
- Why can’t you eat any boiled lobster, clam, or shrimps?… Because I have some shellfish steamed issues.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
- Why was Pavlov’s Hair so soft?… Classical conditioning. (Barber Jokes)
- Dog #1 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Dog #2 No but it makes my mouth water. (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
- I was at a ski resort for a psychiatry convention… I’ve never seen so many Freudians slips. (Skiing Jokes)
- I just wrote a book on reverse psychology… Do not read it. (Book Jokes)
- What do psychologists say to each other when they meet?… “You’re fine, how am I?”
- A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find and antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.” “Me first! Me first!” says the Ph.D. student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone. “You’re next,” the genie says to the professor. The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.” (Hawaii Jokes)
- Pavlov’s dog to his friend: “See that! Every time I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook.” (Dog Jokes)
- Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist?… He no longer believed in himself. (Christmas Jokes)
- One behaviorist meets another one on the street. He says, “Hi. How am I feeling today?”
- People from Maine are so self-centered… All their T-Shirts and mugs say “I
ME”! (Maine Jokes) - Tommy paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Tommy, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Tommy said. “By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer. “Applied psychology.” (Waiter Jokes)
- Does the name “Pavlov” ring a bell?… No, but it makes my mouth water.
- I’m feeling forever Jung.
- What did the hippocampus say when it retired?… “Thanks for the memories.” (Retirement Jokes)
- Why are recycle bins optimistic?… Because they’re full of cans. (Earth Day Jokes)
- What do you hear when a crazy person sings?… Looney tunes. (365 Music Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
- Why was the mathematician told to see a psychologist?… Because he kept obsessing over his x. (Divorce Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)
- Therapist: I suggest that you needs to work on your constant need to please others. Patient: “Sure, if it makes you happy.”
- What did the out of work rat write on his cardboard scrap?… Don’t mind pressing a lever for food. (Labor Day Jokes)
- What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?… If you say, ‘I hate my mother’, a psychiatrist will ask, ‘Why do you say that?’, whereas a psychologist will say, ‘Thank you for sharing that with us.’
- At a job interview for a new receptionist: “I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?””Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile; if I was early, I was anxious; and if I was on time, I was obsessional.” (Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
- What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?… Claw-strophobic. (Lobster Jokes)
- Why did the donut start going to therapy?… It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole! (Donut Jokes for Kids)
- What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?… A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, whereas a psychologist pulls habits out of rats. (Rabbit Jokes & Hat Jokes)
- Why do tennis players have low self esteem?… Because they have so many faults. (Tennis Jokes)
- One day I told a psychiatrist that pi wasn’t real… She said I was being irrational. (Pi Jokes)
- Who answers the door at the nut house?… The peanut buttler.
- What do you call a body of water on the moon?… Lunacy. (Ocean Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
- “The moon is waning. Do you think it’s sad?”… Nah, it’s just going through a phase. (Full Moon Jokes)
- Why is psychotherapy a lot quicker for men than for women?… Because when it comes to going back to childhood, men are already there.
- How many “Rogerians” does it take to change a light bulb?… How many do you think it takes?
- The nurse taking my blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying:.. ‘be negative.’ (Psychology Jokes)
- I overheard a man order a sundae with nuts, but no ice cream… To me, that’s just nuts. (Ice Cream Jokes)
- How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Just one, but it’ll need nine more sessions.
- What undergarment does a psychologist wear?… A Freudian Slip.
- What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they’re swimming in an African river?… In de Nile. (World Geography Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
- Receptionist to psychologist: “Doctor, there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.” “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
- What was Waldo going to start psychotherapy?… He wanted to find himself.
- What do you get when you cross a banana peel with a psychologist?… A freudian slip.
- How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Well, how many do you think it takes?
- Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He totally flipped! (Pancake Jokes)
- What do you call the NCAA tourney when your #1 seed loses to a #16 seed?… March Sadness. (March Madness Jokes)