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Top Chemistry Twitter Accounts & 101 Mole Day Jokes

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best chemistry jokes.
  2. We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes… but we only update them…. periodically!
  3. Don’t trust atoms… they make up everything.
  4. H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?… Drinking.
  5. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?… Na.
  6. Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
  7. What do you get when you complete chemistry class?… A graduated cylinder. (Graduation Jokes)
  8. What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together. 
  9. What’s a chemistry teacher’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semi moles! (Mole Day Jokes & Florida Jokes)
  10. How about the chemical workers… are they unionized? (Top Teachers Unions)
  11. Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
  12. Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?… He got Avogadro’s number!
  13. A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
  14. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
  15. What do you do with a dead chemist?… Barium. (Cemetery Jokes)
  16. Why did Ron lose the election?… People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
  17. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?… Because they didn’t want to elect Ron. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
  18. Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron. Policeman: Are you sure? Atom: Yes, I’m positive! (Police Jokes for Kids)
  19. How did the student graduate at the top of his class with a major like chemistry?… I think he felt like he was finally in his element. (Chemistry Jokes & Chemistry Jokes for Teachers)
  20. What does chemistry and figure skating have in common?… Elements. (Figure Skating Jokes)
  21. Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets?… Polly, Ethel and Ian. (Earth Day Jokes)
  22. What do trees like to study in school?… Chemistree. (Tree Jokes)
  23. We are making bad chemistry jokes because… all the good ones Argon.
  24. A group of nagging dentists discovered a new chemical element… It’s called Flossphorus. (Dentist Jokes)
  25. If there is watermelon why isn’t there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the four elemelons. (Watermelon Jokes)
  26. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?… A neuron. (Cemetery Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
  27. What kind of dogs do chemists have?… Laboratory Retrievers (Dog Jokes)
  28. How do penguins drink?… Out of beak-ers! (Penguin Jokes)
  29. Why did Ronald lose the election?… People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
  30. What element is derived from a Norse god?… Thorium. (Super Hero Jokes)
  31. What did one ion say to the other?… I’ve got my ion you. (Biology Jokes)
  32. In what state does the Willamette River flow?… Liquid.
  33. What do you call a 10th grader taking chemistry?… A Soph – Mole. (Mole Day Jokes & High School Jokes)
  34. Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O. (Back to School Jokes)
  35. How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills! (Mole Day Jokes & Hiking Jokes)
  36. Have you heard the joke about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?… He just couldn’t put it down. (Book Jokes)
  37. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
  38. Why are chemistry teachers perfect for solving problems?… Because they have all the solutions.
  39. What do you call Mufasa’s farts?… Noble gas! (Lion King Jokes)
  40. Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?… He was only tense to the 23rd! (Top Fall Jokes)
  41. What did the generous chemistry teacher say when his friends crashed his New Year’s Eve party?… The mole the merrier! (Mole Day Jokes Chemistry Jokes for Teachers)
  42. What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?… tuNa. (Fishing Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  43. What do chemists’ dogs do with their bones?… They barium! (Dog Jokes)
  44. What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?… SWAG
  45. What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?… Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe (Candy Jokes)
  46. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?… He was booked for a salt and battery. (Police Jokes for Kids)
  47. What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?… Febreeze.
  48. There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc… … because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron. (Election Jokes Mole Day Jokes)