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(Marathon Jokes)

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about marathons.
  2. How does the Grinch complete a marathon?… grinch by grinch. (Grinch Jokes)
  3. What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?… My feet are killing me! (Cemetery Jokes)
  4. I don’t win marathons because I’m lucky… I win because I’m driven. (Or maybe take the MBTA like Rosie Ruiz) (Car Jokes)
  5. I didn’t run a marathon in 2018. I didn’t run a marathon in 2019. I didn’t run a marathon in 2020. I’ve never run a marathon in my life… This is a running joke.
  6. Although the World is more accepting, I refuse to accept some races… Marathons are awful.
  7. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
  8. Paul McCartney disqualified from London Marathon… He was banned on the run.
  9. My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in a marathon after only 3 miles… I’ve become a running joke.
  10. I treat everyday like I’m running a marathon tomorrow… I rest, don’t run and load up on carbs.
  11. I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon… I need some fast food.
  12. What does the winner of a marathon lose?… His breath.
  13. What is the #1 marathon for cardiologists?… The Boston Marathon. They love Heartbreak Hill. (Doctor Jokes)
  14. Do you want to hear a joke about the Boston Marathon?… Never mind. I’ll never finish it.
  15. What is the worst US city to run a marathon?… Boston. It is the height of pollen season and it is in Mass “Achoo” setts.
  16. What is the #1 hotel for runners of the Boston Marathon?… Heartbreak Hotel. (365 Music Jokes)
  17. Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon… He is believed to be still on the run.
  18. Where do cardiologists like to watch the Boston Marathon?… Heartbreak Hill. (Doctor Jokes)
  19. What music is blaring at the most difficult part of the Boston Marathon?… Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at Heartbreak Hill. Stevie Nicks can be heard singing “Stop Dragging My Heart Around.” (365 Music Jokes)
  20. I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn’t understand why we were laughing…. It was a running joke. (Track and Field Jokes)
  21. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet! (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  22. What do Boston Marathon runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory. (Psychology Memory Lessons)
  23. Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?” I replied, “You really want to know?” Then I dropped out of the race.
  24. I’m never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon… They just take the money and run.
  25. Training for a marathon can be hard work… But it’ll be good for you in the long run.
  26. Is it really that wrong to hate an entire race?… I just find marathons waaaaaaaaaay too long to enjoy any part of them.
  27. Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I’ve not been able to run a marathon owing to lockdown… Every other year it’s been because I’m overweight, can’t run, and am too lazy to even try.
  28. I’m training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh… It’s a running joke.
  29. Did you hear about the man that won the marathon?… He was Russian.
  30. “I’m thinking of running a marathon again.” I told my friend. “You’ve run a marathon before?” she asked, with an air of admiration. I said, “No, but I’ve thought about it.”
  31. Is this a bad time to say that I really like certain races and absolutely hate others?… The 440 is my favorite. The marathon is awful
  32. .Why did the marathon runner end up in jail?… For resisting a rest.
  33. I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon… It was a running joke.
  34. I’m like a cross between a marathon runner and a sprinter… I can jog short distances.
  35. How do you know if someone runs marathons?… Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
  36. Seriously, do not mess with a marathoner… They run the streets.
  37. Why did the cannibal go to the marathon?… He wanted some fast food
  38. Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  39. Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon… He is believed to be still on the run.
  40. The marathon runner had a real fear of speed bumps on the road… He’s slowly getting over it.
  41. Sorry, I forgot the next marathon pun – do you have something to jog my memory?
  42. What do marathon runners eat before a race?… Nothing, they fast.
  43. Did you hear about the marathon race between the lettuce and the tomato?… The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup!”
  44. How did the lawyer with a torn ACL still manage to win the marathon?… Because he had power of a torn knee.
  45. I met a guy from the Middle East after a marathon. I asked him if he walked it… No, he said, Iran.
  46. I had a marathon training accident last spring… Now it has become a running joke. (Track and Field Jokes & Marathon Jokes)
  47. Welcome to today’s Communist marathon… On your Marx….
  48. A book never written: “The Marathon” by Will E. Makit. (Summer Olympic Jokes & Marathon Jokes)
  49. What do marathon runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory. (Psychology Memory Lessons)
  50. Where did the Helsinki Marathon end?… At the Finnish line.
  51. People love a good “keep going” message… Except at the end of a marathon
  52. How to run a marathon?… Step 1,Step 2, Step 3…
  53. When is the best time to run a marathon?… During Lent. That’s when you fast.
  54. Why can’t you take a nap during a marathon race?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
  55. I guess my nose is training for a marathon… It’s been running since morning.
  56. I’d hate to run a marathon… They just look so hard to organize.
  57. Injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day… I got up too fast after watching the third film
  58. What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?… Russian to Finnish.
  59. We’re always making fun of our friend who threw up during a marathon… It’s a running gag.
  60. How do you know you’re a dedicated runner?… When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
  61. Who is the fastest runner of all time?… Adam, because he came first in the human race! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  62. If marathon runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?… Mistletoe? (Top Christmas Jokes)
  63. Why couldn’t the dog run in the marathon?… He wasn’t a part of the human race! 
  64. I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is… De feet
  65. How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?… When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.
  66. Did you hear about the fish who ran a marathon?… It just did it for the halibut.
  67. Why do marathon runners go jogging early in the morning?… They want to finish before their brain figures out what they’re doing.
  68. So there was a marathon in Sweden that went all the way to the Еastern border… I guess you could say the race ended at the Finnish line.
  69. What do you get when you run behind a car?… EXHAUSTED (NASCAR Jokes)
  70. My girlfriend broke up with me after we did a marathon. I’m pretty heartbroken… but we had a good run.
  71. What do you get when you run in front of a car?… TIRED (NASCAR Jokes)
  72. What should you say to someone running a St. Patty’s Day marathon?… Irish you luck.
  73. What does a runner drink when she is in last place?… Ketchup.
  74. The New York City Marathon… is really just a bunch of people running away from Staten Island.
  75. For every mile you run, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.
  76. What kind of running shoes are made from banana skins?… Slippers.
  77. The same country seems to always dominate endurance running at the Olympics — Kenya believe the success?
  78. Why didn’t the programmer win a marathon?… He had a runtime error.
  79. What do you call a free treadmill?… Outside.
  80. My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal… The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
  81. How can you tell if somebody’s run a marathon?… Wait 15 seconds, they’ll tell you.
  82. I once finished 2 marathons in 2 minutes then they changed the name… to Snickers.
  83. Driver, to the police officer: You can’t arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Police Officer: Stop playing the race card!
  84. What does the winner of a marathon lose?… Her breath.
  85. What’s the best country to run a marathon in?… Iran.
  86. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about marathons?
  87. The snowman had to give up running marathons eventually — he just couldn’t warm up.
  88. Did you hear about the gardener who got lost during a marathon?… Apparently, she took the wrong route.
  89. Why did no one think Cinderella was a serious marathon runner?… Because everybody knew her coach was a pumpkin.
  90. I’ve decided that COVID isn’t going to stop me running the Boston marathon in 2022… It’ll be unfitness and apathy, same as usual.
  91. Why did the gym members laugh while training for a marathon on the treadmill?.. Don’t worry, you won’t get it. It was a running inside joke.
  92. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good marathon knock knock joke?
  93. My dad used to never give money to charities that were organizing fundraising marathons… According to him, they’d always just take your money and run.
  94. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good marathon knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  95. If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?… Twenty after one!
  96. Why did the vegetarians stop running cross country?… They didn’t like meets! (Track Jokes)
  97. What race is never run?… A swimming race. (Swimming Jokes)
  98. Abebe Bikila famously won the 1960 Olympic marathon while running barefoot… Do you think his opponents tasted defeat?
  99. Why don’t cows do well in marathons?… Their calves get tired.
  100. What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?… They both use drills! (Dentist Jokes)
  101. I did a Hobbit marathon yesterday…. I ran 26 miles dressed up as Bilbo Baggins! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  102. A marathon running gag never dies… it falls.
  103. What do you call a marathon running gag on crutches?… A lame joke.
  104. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday. I ran 26 miles dressed up as Gandalf! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  105. I joined a running club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven’t lost a pound… Apparently you have to show up.
  106. I’ve met a marathon runner that commonly chokes whenever he runs too fast… It became a running gag for him.
  107. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday. I ran 26 miles dressed up as Bilbo Baggins! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  108. This morning I choked on water while training for a marathon for the third time this week… Worst running gag ever.
  109. Every morning when I train for the marathon, I reflect on my life and I want to throw up… It’s a running gag.
  110. I think after the pandemic ends I’m still gonna wear masks when I run a marathon… It’s a bit of a running gag.
  111. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday… I ran 26 miles dressed up as Bilbo Baggins! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  112. My boyfriend broke up with me after we did a marathon. I’m pretty heartbroken… but we had a good run.
  113. The only reason I took up running was to hear heavy breathing again.
  114. A newly single marathon didn’t seem too down about the recent breakup… I guess they’d had a good run.
  115. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday…. I ran 26 miles dressed up as Frodo Baggins! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  116. What did the Jamaican say after winning the barefoot marathon?… “The thrill of victory is always better than the agony of da feet!”
  117. Why do dogs run in circles?… Because its hard to run in squares!
  118. I’m binge-watching this Net Flix show and they keep doing bits about marathons… Guess it’s some sort of running joke.
  119. I once ran three marathons in one week… They’re not that hard to organize if you have experience.
  120. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday… I ran 26 miles dressed up as Gandalf! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  121. One marathon runner started getting annoyed because before each race his pal would play a prank on him… It was a running joke.
  122. I just go into a fight with a friend. He thinks all races are equal, but I think some races are far superior…. Like the marathon. That takes a lot of stamina, and is a far superior race.
  123. “Life is short. Running makes it seem longer.” – Baron Hansen
  124. I’d like to thank the girl with no sports bra, who ran with me for the last few miles of the marathon… Your lack of support got me through.
  125. Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon… Then we’d really have a Kenyan in office.
  126. If I say that marathons are superior to sprints… does that make me a racist?
  127. My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
  128. What’s the difference between Karen in a marathon and an intellectual dwarf?… One is a cunning runt.