President Jokes

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More President Jokes…

Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Presidents’ Day jokes.
Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The Scarecrow should run for President… As they lack a heart, mind, and courage. (Wizard of Oz Jokes)
Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Presidents’ Day Jokes / Election Jokes / Book Jokes)
What kind of tea did Abe Lincoln drink?… Hones-tea! (Tea Jokes)
How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?… None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food?… The fodder of our country…
What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures.
Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved… It’s completely unprecedented. (Presidents’ Day Jokes & South Dakota Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
Teacher: “Do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No. I thought he lived in Washington!”
Which rock group has four men who don’t sing?… Mount Rushmore.
How did George Washington describe things?… In general terms.
How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House?… First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other.
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog. (Ground Hog Day & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?… Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.
What’s the most popular automobile brand for presidents?… Lincoln.
What does Donald Trump call kayaks?… Fake canoes. (Election Jokes & Presidents Jokes)
Why did the president open a bakery?… He wanted to be the commander-in-yeast!
Why did the president keep a jar of peanut butter on their desk?… So they could spread executive orders!
Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached… You could say it was unpresidented. (Impeachment Jokes)
Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?… Barackoli!
How was George Washington able to be so healthy?… He had a strong constitution.
Who was the youngest US president?… BABE Lincoln.
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?… Wood-row Wilson! (Christmas Tree Jokes & Election Jokes)
If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get?… George Squashington.
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore?… The best American Presidents were stoned. (South Dakota Jokes)
What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes?… Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup.
Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?… He didn’t want any Bushes at the White House.
What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln.
What do you call a president who loves fishing?… A “reel” leader!
Who was the funniest person in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
The teacher asked little Johhny, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny replied, “Because he still had the axe in his hand.”
Has anyone ever wondered why presidents never get lost?… Because they always have their cabinet with them!
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?… Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. (Maine Jokes)
“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?” Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:” I’ve come for some courage.” “NO PROBLEM!” says the Wizard. “WHO IS NEXT?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well………, I…….I think I need a brain.” “DONE” says the Wizard. “WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?” Up stepped George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I need a heart.” “I’VE HEARD IT’S TRUE!” says the Wizard. “CONSIDER IT DONE.” There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” “Is Dorothy here?”
What was Joe doing until Trump is removed from office?… BIDEN his time. (January Jokes & Impeachment Jokes)
Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Abraham Lincoln… Abraham Lincoln who?… Seriously?… You must have done terrible in history class…
What is a president’s favorite dessert?… Impeach cobbler!
What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
Why aren’t there many Civil War jokes?… People General Lee don’t find them funny…
Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested?… For committing Valley Forgery…
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
Which one of Washington’s officer’s had the best sense of humor?… Laughafayette.
Why was George Washington always pictured standing up?… Because he never lied.
How did the president become an actor?… He gave a “command performance”!
Why did the president take up gardening?… He wanted to be the commander-in-leaf!
Which US president was able to clean up government wrongdoing?… WASHington.
Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington?… He committed Valley Forgery.
How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms.
Why did the president bring a ladder to the debate?… To reach new heights!
I don’t understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trump’s impeachment… It’s not like it’s unpresidented.
What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware?… Get in the boat…
EVICTED FAMILY NEEDS HELP MOVING! MUST BE OUT BY JANUARY 20th! Please send any unneeded moving supplies to: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20500. (Impeachment Jokes)
What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached?… “You’re fired!” (Impeachment Jokes)
Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Presidents?
What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?… They licked the British.
Where did they sign the Declaration Of Independence?… At the bottom…
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?… Libertea!
What was the most popular dance in 1776?… Indepen-dance.
What would George Washington be if he were alive today?… Really, really, really old.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good President knock-knock joke?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Presidents knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
How did the president become a chef?… He had a knack for executive orders!
Which former president planted the most trees?… Wood-row Wilson! (Christmas Tree Jokes & Election Jokes)
Why did the president become a fisherman?… He wanted to be the commander-in-reef!
Why did the president become a snorkeler?… He wanted to be the commander-in-reef!
How did the president become a car enthusiast?… He loved giving executive rides!
What’s the difference between a platypus and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill.
Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin.
Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?… It can’t sit down.
Did you hear about the president’s interest in fashion?… He wants to be the commander-in-chic!
What did the president say when he won a road race?… “I’m the commander-in-feet!”
Why didn’t George Washington’s father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree?… Because George was still holding the axe…
Why do presidents always succeed in their speeches?… Because they always address the nation!
What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president?… Ape Lincoln.
Whenever the president took a trip… he couldn’t resist exploring foreign affairs.
Why did the president start a fragrance line?… He wanted to be the commander-in-scent!

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