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- Why did the NFL football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
- What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
- What football play should you be suspicious of?… The quarterback sneak.
- How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?… If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
- What did the football say to the punter?… “I get a kick out of you.”
- If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use?… Your fishing tackle. (Top Fishing Jokes)
- Why do coaches like punters?… Because punters always put their best foot forward.
- Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?… Because he was trying to make ends meet.
- What do you call a lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker.
- Did you here about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
- Where do hungry football players play?… In the Supper Bowl.
- Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?…They can’t string three “Ws” together.
- What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
- What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
- What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?… “Give me my quarterback!”
- What kind of ends do you find in libraries?… Book ends.
- Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?… The wide receiver.
- Who are the happiest people at the football game?… The cheerleaders.
- Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?… Out to pass-ture.
- Why can’t the struggling quarterback get into his own driveway?… Someone painted an endzone on it.
- Which football team cooks gourmet meals together?… The Kansas City Chefs.
- What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… ALL the NFL teams not in the Super Bowl.
- Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?… Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
- Why did the elephant who was a football fan start a stampede?… Because he wanted to play for the Chargers.
- Why are football stadiums always cool?… “Because they’re full of fans.”
- Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game ?… Because he had no body to go with. (Top Halloween Jokes)
- What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?… “Let’s wrap this up!” (Top Halloween Jokes)
- When is a football player like a judge?… When he sits on the bench.
- What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?… Football like no one has ever seen.
- Why was Cinderella such a bad at football?… Her coach was a pumpkin.
- Because it’s full of fans.
- Where do athletes go to get a new uniform?… New Jersey (Top Geography Jokes & Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
- Did you hear about the athlete who wore two jackets when she painted the house?… The instructions on the can said: “Put on two coats.”
Funny Superbowl Quotes
- I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. – President Gerald Ford
- I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel ‘em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep. – DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique
- He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. – Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski
- I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. – Saints RB, George Rogers
- I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start to eat. – Art Donovan
- The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
- Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. – Doug Plank, former-Chicago Bears
- Rapport? You mean like, ‘You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?’ – QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice
- We’re as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody. – Nate Newton
- I always enjoy animal acts. – President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears