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Top 3 Joke Pages

  1. 180 School Jokes
  2. Clean Jokes
  3. 365 Family Friendly Jokes

  1. What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son. (Animal Jokes)
  2. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Top Graduation Jokes)
  3. Teacher: Where did your dad go for her summer vacation? Student: Alaska. Teacher: Never mind, I’ll ask her myself. (Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
  4. What did baby corn say to mama corn?… Where’s popcorn?
  5. What do you call a dad who spent all day at the beach?… Tangent. (Top Summer Jokes)
  6. Teacher: Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence. Student: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  7. Do dads always snore?… No, only when they are asleep! (Napping Jokes)
  8. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
  9. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?… A POPsicle! (Top Summer Jokes & Popsicle Jokes)
  10. Waiter: How he would you like your steak? Dad: On a plate, please.
  11. Why did the dad love his barbecue?… Because it was the grill of his dreams.
  12. How is the baby bird like its dad?… He’s a chirp off the old block.
  13. Why did the father wear sunglasses?…. Because his children were  so bright! (Top Summer Jokes)
  14. What did the daddy ocean say to the baby ocean?… Nothing, he just waved. (Ocean Jokes)
  15. What did Dad’s tie say to his neck?… Do you mind if I hang around?
  16. Boy: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday? Friend:I love it! Boy:Why? Friend: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!
  17. Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders. Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
  18. What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?… Spook when you’re spooken to! (101 Halloween Jokes)
  19. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat? Father Vampire: By the wings, son. (Baseball Jokes)
  20. Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one! (Golf Jokes)
  21. Dad: How do you like fourth grade? Son: It isn’t much fun. Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life! (180 School Jokes)
  22. Boy: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Friend: Really? I bet they don’t fit.(Biology Jokes)
  23. Boy: I gave my dad some soap flakes instead of frosted flakes for breakfast  Friend: Was he mad? Boy: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth! (Cereal Day Jokes)
  24. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?…Voice: This is my father. (180 School Jokes)
  25. Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card. Johnny: I don’t have it. Johnny’s father:Why not? Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. (180 School Jokes)
  26. What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?Mom and Dad!
  27. My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mom who tells him which pair to put on!
  28. Knock knock…Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  29. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student: When my father sees my report card! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  30. Son: For $20, I’ll be good…Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
  31. Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephant? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
  32. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate…Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
  33. Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
  34. How do fathers exercise on the beach?… By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
  35. How do you scare a divorced dad?… Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
  36. Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis?… They’re stuck in adolescence.
  37. Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said.  “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  38. Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
  39. One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, “Daddy, you’re the boss, aren’t you?” Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued, “That’s because Mommy put you in charge, right?”
  40. While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”
  41. On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked. “Honey, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”
  42. My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
  43. A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…” “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him. “ …Which bus would I take home?”
  44. A man and his eldest son went to have their photographs taken together, and the photographer said to the young man, “It will make a better picture if you put your hand on your father’s shoulder.” “H’m,” said the father, “it would make a more natural picture if he put it in my pocket.
  45. Yes, sir, our household represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain,” said the proud father of number one to the rector. “I am English, my wife’s Irish, the nurse is Scotch and the baby wails.”
  46. Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
  47. “Dad I’m hungry” … “Hi hungry I’m Dad.”
  48. A Dad walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”
  49. What do you say to your Dad if he has a bladder infection?… urine trouble.