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School Jokes: Jokes for all grades
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  1. 180 School Jokes
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Biology Teachers are Great Tutors!

  1. A lonely frog, desparate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled and says, “This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?” “No” says the psychic, “in a Biology class.”
  2. You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?… If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology… If it stinks, it’s chemistry… If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
  3. Two blood cells met and married, but alas it was all in vein.
  4. My son came home from school and said, “My teacher gave me a B for my biology practical.” I said, “That’s good.” He said, “Not really. Everyone else got a frog to cut up.”
  5. We have to stop talking about mitosis… It’s such a divisive issue.
  6. What kind of chain is edible?….A food chain!
  7. Why couldn’t the plants escape prison?… Because their cells were surrounded by walls.
  8. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?… He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY) (Top Halloween Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
  9. Why was the biology book in the hospital?…Because it hurt his spine. (180 School Jokes)
  10. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages?… He was a man of many cultures. (Top Geography Jokes)
  11. A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?” The red cell replied, “No thanks, I’ll just circulate.”
  12. What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe?.. Mitosis.
  13. What do you call the leader of a biology gang?… The nucleus.
  14. We just hired a molecular biologist… Man, is he small.
  15. Which biochemicals wash up on beaches?… Nucleotides. (Top Summer Jokes)
  16. What was the biologist wearing on his first date?… Designer jeans. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  17. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?… One wags a tail and the other tags a whale. (World Ocean’s Day Jokes)
  18. How much did it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? … a buck an ear (a buccaneer)! (Top Pirate Jokes)
  19. Why did the skeleton go to the piano store?… To buy some organs!
  20. Where do hippos go to university?… Hippocampus. (Top College Jokes)
  21. Why do noses run but feet smell?
  22. I don’t know what carbon dating is, but I’ll try anything at this point… (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  23. What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids?… A cysteine chapel.
  24. What do you call an oral hygiene product for the brain?… Neural Crest.
  25. How do you call a member of the financial staff of the faculty of Biology?…A Buy-ologist.
  26. Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards?… They like to avoid the flush.
  27. Why did the skeleton hold up the barbecue?…He needed a spare rib. (Top Summer Jokes)
  28. Where do they send the criminal neurons?… To the chain ganglion.
  29. What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use?… A tree-ring binder. (Top 10 Arbor Day Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
  30. What type of flowers does everybody have?… Two-lips. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  31. How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?… Romeostasis. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  32. What did one eye say to the other eye?… Something between us smells!
  33. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? … Because it is the “scenter.” / Center!
  34. A guy accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose but he had no ill effect… Apparently he was ambidextrose.
  35. Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
  36. What do biologists wear on their heads when playing football?… Helminth. (365 Sports Jokes & Top Football Jokes)
  37. What’s a pirate’s favorite amino acid?… Arrrrrr-ginine. (Top Pirate Jokes)
  38. What do you call a faulty spirometer?… Expired.
  39. What did the femur say to the patella?… I kneed you. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  40. How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?… Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
  41. What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?… I like your “style”
  42. When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
  43. How do you eat DNA-spaghetti?… With a replication fork.
  44. A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always starts with the germ of an idea.
  45. How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?… An itsy bitsy book.
  46. Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets?… Polly, Ethel and Ian.
  47. What do you call cabs which provide drug therapy?… Chemotaxis.
  48. What do you call the union of a sheep and a ram?… A zygoat.
  49. How do you know you’re dehydrated?… You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
  50. What’s the study of real estate?.. Homology.
  51. A couple of biologists had twins… One they called John and the other control.
  52. How do you identify a bald eagle?… All his feathers are combed over to one side. (Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
  53. One plant says to another, “Are you hungry?”… The other replies, “I could use a light snack.”
  54. How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon?… He caught the garter snake.
  55. If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I’m the power house of the cell.
  56. How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes?… With a cell phone.


  1. What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?…Pull down its genes.
  2. Why are men sexier than women?… You can’t spell sexy without xy.
  3. How do you recognize a Native American cell biologist?.. He lives in ATP.