Top Halloween Jokes: Top Halloween Jokes of All-Time

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1. The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.” (Top Biology Jokes)
2. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck! (Top Biology Jokes)
3. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?… Lazy bones! (Top Biology Jokes)
4. What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing).
5. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
6. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?… A crummy mummy. (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
7. When do vampires like horse racing?… When it’s neck and neck! (Top Horse Racing Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
8. Who won the zombie war?… Nobody, it was dead even.
9. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?… Because you can see right through him.
10. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
11. What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)
12. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…Watch the board and I’ll go through it again. (Top Teacher Jokes)
13. How do you say goodbye to a vampire?… So long sucker!
14. Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank. (Top Biology Jokes)
15. What kind of dog does a vampire have?… A bloodhound. (Top Dog Jokes)
16. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.” (Top Biology Jokes)
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?… Frostbite. (Top Holiday Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
18. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?… Dead ringers.
19. What does a ghost keep in its stable?… Nightmares. (Top Horse Racing Jokes&Sports Joke of the Day)
20. Who lives in the scary Hundred Acre Wood?… Winnie the Boo. (Top 25 A.A. Milne Quotes)
21. How do you make a skeleton laugh?… Tickle its funnybone! (Top Biology Jokes)
22. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?… A pumpkin patch
23. What pants do ghosts wear?… BOO jeans.
24. What kind of boat do werewolves like?… blood vessels. (Top Biology Jokes)
25. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?… Because he had no body to go with.(Top Biology Jokes)
26. What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY!
27. Why don’t mummies take vacations?… They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind. (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
28. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?… Because everyone was a goblin!
29. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?… Day scare! (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
30. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?… The trombone. (Top Biology Jokes)
31. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?… MaliBOO!
32. What does a bird say at Halloween?…”Twick or tweet.”
33. What does a panda ghost eat?…. Bam-BOO!
34. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?… His ghoul friend. (Top Back to School Jokes)
35. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?…A nectarine. (Top Biology Jokes)
36. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?…”Spook when you’re spooken to.” (Top Holiday Jokes & Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
37. What kind of mail does a celebrity vampire get?… Fang mail!
38. What kind of boat do werewolves and vampires like?… blood vessels. (Top Biology Jokes)
39. What is the problem with two twin witches?… You never know which witch is which! (Top Biology Jokes)
40. What pants do ghosts wear?… BOO jeans.
41. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?… A chicken sand witch.  (Top Geography Jokes)
42. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?… His transparents. (Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes / Top Father’s Day Jokes / Top Father’s Day Quotes)
43. What did the skeleton order with his drink?… A mop.
44. Why did the mummy get a headache?… Because he was GOBLIN his candy!
45. Who won the zombie war?… Nobody, it was dead even.
46. Where did the ghost go on vacation?… The BOO-hamas! (Top Geography Jokes)
47. Why did Dracula go to the library?… He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into! (Top Massachusetts Libraries)
48. How do phantoms travel?… Ghost to ghost.
49. What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?… A wide scream TV.
50. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?… Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!
51. What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
52. Who won the Halloween skeleton beauty contest?… No body. (Top Biology Jokes)
53. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?…Because you can see right through him.
54. What do you call a witch at the beach?…A sand-witch. (Top Geography Jokes)
55. Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?…Because he didn’t have the guts. (Top Biology Jokes)
56. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?…Because he wanted to get some muscles! (Top Geography Jokes)
57. Why did the vampire give up acting?…Because he couldn’t find a part he could sink his teeth into.
58. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?…Because there was a dog on the other side. (Top Dog Jokes)
59. What do skeletons say before they start to eat?…Bone appetite. (Top Biology Jokes)
60. What do ghosts serve for dessert?…I scream.
61. What monster wears the most clothes?…A werewolf!
62. How do you make a witch itch?…Take away her W. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
63. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.” (180 School Jokes)
64. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?…Because he had no body to go with.(Top Biology Jokes)
65. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?…Because he had no body to dance with! (Top Biology Jokes / Top Prom Jokes / Top High School Jokes)
66. What is a witch’s favorite food?…Goulash.
67. Why was the little ghost crying?…Because he wanted his mummy. (Top Holiday Jokes& Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
68. What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?…”Let’s get glowing.”
69. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?… A flying Band-Aid.
70. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?…Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
71. What do you do when you see a ghost?…Run away of course! (Top Track & Field Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
72. Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank.
73. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?…A cab.
74. Why don’t skeletons play music in church?…They have no organs. (Top Biology Jokes)
75. What kind of dog does a vampire have?…A bloodhound. (Top Biology Jokes)
76. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.” (Top Biology Jokes)
77. What did the werewolf eat after he’d had his teeth cleaned?…The dentist. (Top Biology Jokes)
78. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?…Ghoul-aid! (Top Summer Jokes)
79. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy. (Top Holiday Jokes &Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
80. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?…To the living room!
81. What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?…Milk, it’s white and good for your bones. (Top Biology Jokes)
82. Why did the Cyclops close his school?…Because he only had one pupil. (180 School Jokes)
83. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?…Frostbite. ((Top Holiday Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
84. What do you call two witches who share a broom?…Broom mates.
85. What do you call a nervous witch?… A twitch.
86. Why are all Superman costumes tight?… They’re all size S.
87. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?…Dead ringers.
88. How do ghosts like their eggs?…Terror-fried.
89. How was Frankenstien’s birth?…Shocking. (Top Biology Jokes)
90. Why can’t you tell a skeleton a secret?…Because it goes in one ear and out the other. (Top Biology Jokes)
91. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
92. Why don’t mummies take vacations?…They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
93. What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?…Life Savers.
94. What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?…The actors get stage fright.
95. What song do vampires hate?…”You are my sunshine!”
96. What did the little ghost say to his mom?…”I’ve got a boo boo.” (Top Holiday Jokes &Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
97. What is a ghost’s favorite ride?… A roller-ghoster. (Top Summer Jokes)
98. What do witches call for in a hotel room?… Broom service.
99. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?… Sherlock Bones!
100. I’m tall when I’m young, I’m short when I’m old, and every Halloween I stand up inside Jack O Lanterns. What am I?… A candle.
101. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?…A plumpkin!
102. How do you make a skeleton laugh?…Tickle its funnybone! (Top Biology Jokes)
103. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?…Being her broom.
104. What do vampires never order at a cafe?…A STAKE sandwich!
105. What did one ghost say to the other?…”Do you believe in people?!”
106. What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?…Auld Fang Syne! (Top Holiday Jokes &Top New Years Eve Jokes)
107. Where do ghosts get their mail?…At the ghost office.
108. What do skeletons say at the front door?…”Crick or creak!”
109. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?…Any old girl he can dig up. (Top Holiday Jokes & Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
110. Why was the big hairy, two-headed monster top of the class in school?… Because two heads are better than one. (180 School Jokes & 365 School Jokes)
111. Frankenstein and Dracula had a tennis match. Who won?…Frankenstein, because Dracula sucks! (sorry PG 13) (Top Sports Jokes & Top Tennis Jokes)
112. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?…A cariboo!
113. Why doesn’t a witch wear a flat hat?…Because there’s no point in it! (Top Geometry Jokes)
114. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?…French FRIGHTS! (Top French Fry Jokes)
115. Why don’t you eat ghosts?…They’ll go right through you.
116. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?… Anything with a ball. (Top Sports Jokes)
117. What do you read on Halloween?…BOO-ks
118. Why can’t Dracula play baseball?…He lost his bat. (Top Sports Jokes)
119. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?…Halloween!
120. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?…A Hallo-weenie! (Top Hot Day Day Jokes)
121. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the guitar?…The neck. (Top Biology Jokes)
122. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Wolves say…Wolves say who?…Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!
123. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Boo!…Boo who?…No, no, don’t cry! I was just kidding.
124. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?… Squash.
125. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?… The Crossing Gourd.
126. What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi. (Top Pi Day Jokes)
127. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Ivana…Ivana who?…Ivana suck your blood.
128. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Frank…Frank who?…Frankenstein!
129. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Orange…Orange who?…Orange you glad it’s Halloween?!
130. Knock knock..Who’s there?…The ghost and the invisible man…The ghost and the invisible man who?…Long time no see!
131. Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You’re lemonade! (Top Summer Jokes)
132. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?… His heart wasn’t in it. (Top Biology Jokes)
133. Why did the skeleton cross the road?… To get to the body shop. (Top Biology Jokes)
134. What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?… “Trike or Treat”?
135. What do ghosts use to wash their hair?… Shamboo!
136. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?… When you’re a mouse.
137. What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, Poodle and a ghost?… A cocker poodle boo.
138. What do moms dress up as on Halloween?… Mummies! (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
139. What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?… Booberries!
140. What does a witch use to keep her hair up?… Scarespray!
141. Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?… Because they have a lot of spirit. Sports
142. What did one owl say to the other owl?… Happy Owl-ween!
143. Why is a skeleton so mean?… He doesn’t have a heart. (Top Biology Jokes)
144. What goes around a haunted house and never stops?… A fence.
145. What do vampires take when they are sick?… Coffin drops! (Top Biology Jokes)
146. What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?… Count Quackula!
147. What is a ghost’s favorite pie?… Booberry pie!
148. Where do ghosts buy their food?…. At the ghost-ery store!
149. What’s a monster’s favorite bean?… A human bean. (Top Biology Jokes)
150. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?… Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
151. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?… He didn’t have a haunting license.
152. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?… At the casketeria.
153. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?… He is mist.
154. Where did the goblin throw the football?… Over the ghoul line.
155. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?… A toasty ghosty.
156. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?… He heard it had great circulation. (Top Biology Jokes)
157. What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae?… Whipped scream.
158. What happens when two vampires meet?… It was love at first bite!
159. Who was the most famous ghost detective?… Sherlock Moans.
160. What do you call two spiders that just got married?… Newlywebbed
161. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?… Scream or sugar!
162. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?… The Vampire State Building. (Top Geography Jokes)
163. Where do most werewolves live?… In Howllywood, California (Top Geography Jokes)
164. Where do most goblins live?… in North and South Scarolina. (Top Geography Jokes)
165. Where does a ghost refuel his porche?…At a ghastly station.
166. What do Italian’s eat on Halloween?… Fettucinni Afraid-o
167. What do you call a little monsters parents?… mummy and deady (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
168. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?…. sour-puss
169. What do ghosts eat for breakfast?… Boo-Berries. Cereal Day Jokes
170. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?… All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. (Top Donut Day Jokes)
171. What songs does Dracula hate?…”You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.” (Top Summer Jokes)
172. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done?… Ok, that’s a wrap. (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
173. How does a girl vampire flirt?… She bats her eyes. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
174. Why did Dracula go to the dentist?… He had a fang-ache. (Top Biology Jokes)
175. Why are vampires like false teeth?… They all come out at night. (Top Biology Jokes)
176. What kind of gum do ghosts chew?… Boo Boo Gum. (Top Summer Jokes)
177. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?… To stop his coffin. (Top Biology Jokes)
178. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?… A boo-tie.
179. What type of dog does every vampire have?… Bloodhound! (Top Dog Day Jokes)
180. Where did the ghost get it’s hair done?…At the boo-ty shop.
181. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it?… a coffin.
182. What do they teach in witching school?… Spelling. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
183. What do you call a witch’s garage?… A broom closet.
184. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street?…He was dying to get to the other side!!
185. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car?… Fasten your sheet belts. (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
186. Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie?… He didn’t have the guts. (Top Biology Jokes)
187. Why was the mummy so tense?… Because he was all wound up. (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
188. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?…  Because he had bat breath.
189. Why don’t ghost have bands?…They get booooooooooed.
190. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?… A cereal killer. (Top Cereal Day Jokes)
191. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?… The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.
192. What did the bird say on Halloween?… Trick or tweet!
193. Why do skeletons drink milk?…To help their bones! (Top Biology Jokes)
194. What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song?… Another one bites the dust!
195. What is a Skeleton’s favorite song?… Bad to the Bone. (Top Biology Jokes)
196. Whats a ghost’s favorite type of car?… A boo-ick
197. Where do ghost go for fun?…To the boo-vies.
198. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?… it raises their spirits.
199. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights?… He’s all bone & no muscle. (Top Biology Jokes)
200. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the halloween party?… Because he had no body to go with. (Top Biology Jokes)
201. What is a ghost’s favorite band?… The Boos Brothers
202. What did Dracula have for dessert?… Whine & Ice scream
203. What is Dracula’s favorite restaurant?… Murder King (Top Cheeseburger Day Jokes)
204. What is a Ghost’s favorite food?… HamBoogers (Top Cheeseburger Day Jokes)
205. What is in a ghost’s nose?… Boogers (Top Biology Jokes)
206. What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?… You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!
207. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?… People are dying to get in! (Top Biology Jokes)
208. What do ghosts eat for supper?… Spooketi
209. What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?… Candy corneas. (Top Biology Jokes)
210. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?… It didn’t have a haunting license.
211. What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?… The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
212. Which monster t is the best dancer?… The Boogie Man!
213. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?… It raises their spirits.
214. What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?… Bamboo.
215. What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?… Booberry pie.
216. A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
217. Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?… It dampens their spirits!
218. Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks for Halloween?… She heard he grew another foot! (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
219. Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?… The Ghoul Scouts.
220. What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?… He always goes for the juggler! (Top Biology Jokes)
221. What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?… It Sphinx! (Top Geography Jokes)
222. Why do vampires need mouthwash?… Because they have bat breath.
223. A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
224. What is a vampire’s favorite dance?… The Fang-Dango.
225. Why are vampires so easy to fool?… Why?… Because they’re suckers.
226. What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?… Count Spatula.
227. What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?… Lots of blood tests! (Top Biology Jokes / 180 School Jokes / 365 School Jokes)