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  1. As a teacher I often send home notes with children to inform the parents that their child’s  behavior can use some improvement. I received the following letter from one student’s father, “Dear Mrs Green, Harry is sorry he didn’t do his homework last night, he will never do it again.”
  2. Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you? Student: Not very much
  3. Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Maria’s exam. Student: I sure hope you didn’t, either!
  4. What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
  5. Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level!
  6. What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Summer Jokes & Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
  7. Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
  8. Best back to school book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
  9. Teacher: I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Student: I’m glad it’s Friday!
  10. Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools!
  11. Why did the student eat his homework?… Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
  12. What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?… He has only one pupil.
  13. PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” TEACHER: “Of course not.” PUPIL: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
  14. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
  15. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?… Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  16. What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
  17. Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?… Because it was always sweeping during class!
  18. What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler.
  19. Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
  20. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”
  21. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys…. Gladys, who?… Gladys the weekend—no homework!
  22. Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions.
  23. What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation.
  24. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
  25. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?… She had bright students!
  26. Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
  27. A son came home from his first day of school and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?”  “Not enough,” he replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”
  28. What is a witch’s favorite class?…Spelling (Is Spelling Important? phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid)
  29. Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
  30. Teacher: I wish you’d pay a little attention! David: I’m paying as little as I can, teacher.
  31. Why did the students study in the airplane?…. Because they wanted higher grades.
  32. Best math book never written: “High School Math” by Cal Q. Luss (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
  33. Best school book never written: “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class.
  34. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school.
  35. What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Top Winter Jokes)
  36. How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Geography Jokes)
  37. What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school
  38. Why was school easier for cave people? …  Because there was no history to study!
  39. Why was the principal worried?… Because there were too many rulers in school!
  40. Why did the student take a ladder to school?… Because he/she was going to high school!
  41. Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?… Student: At the great airports! (Top Geography Jokes)
  42. What did the dentist give to the high school marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste
  43. What three candies can you find in every school?… Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
  44. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?… High school
  45. Son: Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
  46. What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?… hot chalk-olate!
  47. How does a math teacher propose to his fiancée?… With a polynomial ring!
  48. Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?… Because she sprained her angle!
  49. What do you call a music teacher with problems?… a trebled man.
  50. Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water? Student: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Didn’t you say it’s H to O (Top Chemistry Jokes)
  51. What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?… Knight school.
  52. Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?… He wanted to see time fly.
  53. Mom: What did you do at school today? Son: We did a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Son: That’s right!
  54. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?… He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY) (Top Biology Jokes)
  55. What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
  56. Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.(Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
  57. I heard they put a new wing on the school… That is true, but it still won’t fly.
  58. How did the school custodian die?… He kicked the bucket.
  59. What gets white as it gets dirty?… Chalkboard.
  60. Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
  61. Why was the biology book in the hospital?…Because it hurt his spine. (Top Biology Jokes)
  62. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?… To reach the high notes.
  63. Name a bus you can never enter?… A syllabus.
  64. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?… Because it’s basic material.
  65. Teacher: Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages? Student: Because there were so many knights.
  66. What did one math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
  67. What do a chicken and a high school band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
  68. There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!”
  69. If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?… A delicious fruit salad.
  70. Student: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
  71. Teacher: Can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed? Student: At the bottom.
  72. Son: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea. Son: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
  73. A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?… In jail
  74. Teacher: Why did you eat your homework? Student: Because I don’t have a dog
  75. As a 7th grade biology teacher, I was teaching my class about the flow of blood in the body. After my lecture I asked the class the following: “Why is it that if I would turn upside down, my face would turn red since the blood would flow to my head, but when I stand upright my feet don’t turn red?” I was taken aback when a boy blurted out, “that’s cuz your feet aint empty!”

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