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- As a teacher I often send home notes with children to inform the parents that their child’s behavior can use some improvement. I received the following letter from one student’s father, “Dear Mrs Green, Harry is sorry he didn’t do his homework last night, he will never do it again.”
- Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you? Student: Not very much
- Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Maria’s exam. Student: I sure hope you didn’t, either!
- What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
- Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level!
- What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Summer Jokes & Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
- Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
- Best back to school book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
- Teacher: I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Student: I’m glad it’s Friday!
- Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools!
- Why did the student eat his homework?… Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?… He has only one pupil.
- PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” TEACHER: “Of course not.” PUPIL: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
- What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
- Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?… Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
- Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?… Because it was always sweeping during class!
- What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler.
- Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
- What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys…. Gladys, who?… Gladys the weekend—no homework!
- Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation.
- Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
- Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?… She had bright students!
- Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
- A son came home from his first day of school and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?” “Not enough,” he replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”
- What is a witch’s favorite class?…Spelling (Is Spelling Important? phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid)
- Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
- Teacher: I wish you’d pay a little attention! David: I’m paying as little as I can, teacher.
- Why did the students study in the airplane?…. Because they wanted higher grades.
- Best math book never written: “High School Math” by Cal Q. Luss (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
- Best school book never written: “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class.
- What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school.
- What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Top Winter Jokes)
- How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Geography Jokes)
- What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school
- Why was school easier for cave people? … Because there was no history to study!
- Why was the principal worried?… Because there were too many rulers in school!
- Why did the student take a ladder to school?… Because he/she was going to high school!
- Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?… Student: At the great airports! (Top Geography Jokes)
- What did the dentist give to the high school marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste
- What three candies can you find in every school?… Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
- What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?… High school
- Son: Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
- What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?… hot chalk-olate!
- How does a math teacher propose to his fiancée?… With a polynomial ring!
- Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?… Because she sprained her angle!
- What do you call a music teacher with problems?… a trebled man.
- Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water? Student: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Didn’t you say it’s H to O (Top Chemistry Jokes)
- What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?… Knight school.
- Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?… He wanted to see time fly.
- Mom: What did you do at school today? Son: We did a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Son: That’s right!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?… He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY) (Top Biology Jokes)
- What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
- Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.(Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
- I heard they put a new wing on the school… That is true, but it still won’t fly.
- How did the school custodian die?… He kicked the bucket.
- What gets white as it gets dirty?… Chalkboard.
- Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
- Why was the biology book in the hospital?…Because it hurt his spine. (Top Biology Jokes)
- Why did the music teacher need a ladder?… To reach the high notes.
- Name a bus you can never enter?… A syllabus.
- Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?… Because it’s basic material.
- Teacher: Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages? Student: Because there were so many knights.
- What did one math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What do a chicken and a high school band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
- There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!”
- If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?… A delicious fruit salad.
- Student: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
- Teacher: Can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed? Student: At the bottom.
- Son: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea. Son: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
- A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?… In jail
- Teacher: Why did you eat your homework? Student: Because I don’t have a dog
- As a 7th grade biology teacher, I was teaching my class about the flow of blood in the body. After my lecture I asked the class the following: “Why is it that if I would turn upside down, my face would turn red since the blood would flow to my head, but when I stand upright my feet don’t turn red?” I was taken aback when a boy blurted out, “that’s cuz your feet aint empty!”
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