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- Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
- Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
- Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
- How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
- How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
- What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
- Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
- Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
- Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
- What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
- Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
- “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
- How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
- What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
- Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
- When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
- What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
- Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
- What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
- Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
- Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
- What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
- Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
- What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
- Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
- What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
- Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
- How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
- Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
- What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
- Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
- What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs
- How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
- What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
- What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
- ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
- ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
- ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
- How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
- What do you call an Irishman who hass been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
- Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
- “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
- Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
- Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone looses them.