January Joke of The Day: Family Friendly Jokes for January

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Over the years we have collected some great jokes. We have decided to share 365 family and school friendly jokes. One Joke for every day of the year. It is a work in progress so please bear with us.
We also have a page for special days of learning for teachers during the month of January.

We are looking for a family friendly business to sponsor this page, which is on the 1st page of a google search for “January Jokes.”

January

180 School Jokes
365 School Jokes
Top Winter Jokes
January 1st: Top New Year’s Day Jokes
January 4th: National Spaghetti Day Jokes

What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top New Year’s Day Jokes)
Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have 364 more jokes! A joke for every day of the year!
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Top Christmas Jokes)
How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle! (Top Cycling Jokes)
Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball! (Top Winter Jokes)
What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (365 School Jokes)
What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?… Chill out. (Top Winter Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite, (Top Winter Jokes & Top Halloween Jokes)
How does one snowman greet another snowman?…. Ice to meet you.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Brrrr- itos. (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash! (Top Christmas Jokes)
Where does a snowman keep his money?… In a snow bank. (Top Winter Jokes)
What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes! (Top Winter Jokes & Top Cereal Jokes)
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?… Do you smell carrots? (Top Winter Jokes)
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?… She gave him the cold shoulder! (Top Winter Jokes & Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
Where do seals go to see movies?… The dive-in! (Top Summer Jokes)
What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?… “You hang around while I go on a head.”
Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level! (Top Geography Jokes & Top Social Studies Jokes)
What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints
If you live in an igloo, what’s the worst thing about global warming?… No privacy!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Snow… Snow who?… Snowbody!
Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?… Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
What do you call a slow skier?… A slopepoke! (Top Skiing Jokes Check)
What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer!
How do Eskimos make their beds?… With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What’s a good winter tip?… Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?… A snowball!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Snowflakes! (Top Winter Jokes & Top Cereal Jokes)
January 1st: New Year’s Day Jokes What did the triple jumper say to the track & field team on January 1st?… Hoppy New Year (365 Sports Jokes & Top Track & Field Jokes)
What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top Easter Jokes)
What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne
What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security
New Years Eve One Liners A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
January 4th: National Spaghetti Day Jokes What do you call a fake noodle?… An impasta.
Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?… He pasta way.
What do Italians eat on halloween?… Fetuccini A-fraid-o (Top Halloween Jokes)
What do you call a pasta that is sick?… Mac and sneeze. (Top Winter Jokes)
What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say before eating pasta? PASTA LA VISTA BABY.
What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?… Gaelic breath! (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?… Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork
What is the dress code at a pasta convention?… Bowtie
My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
January 5th: National Bird Day: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra! (101 Pi Day Jokes & Algebra Jokes)
What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment.
What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s?… A funky chicken. (Top U.S. History Jokes)
Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?… So he could grade his eggs. (365 School Jokes)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?… Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls! (Top Geography Jokes)
When should you buy a bird?… When it’s going cheep!
What do you call a parrot that flew away?… A polygon! (101 Pi Day Jokes & Geometry Jokes)
What do you call a sad bird?… A bluebird!
What does a cat call a hummingbird?… Fast food. (Fast Food Jokes)
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?… He wanted to make a long distance caw.
Why do hummingbirds hum?… Because they don’t know the words.
There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?… Roosters don’t lay eggs!
Why did the bird get a ticket?… It broke the law of gravity! (Top Physics Jokes)
How do you catch a unique bird?… Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame bird?… The tame way, unique up on it!
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?… With its sparrowchute.
Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?… Because he was caught tweeting on a test. (365 School Jokes)
Why does a stork stand on one leg?… Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
How did the bubble gum cross the road?… On the bottom of the chicken’s foot! (Bubble Gum Jokes)
Why did the chicken cross the playground?… To get to the other slide!
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?… He was a dirty double crosser!
Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?… He got caught peeping on a test.
Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?… To get to the other size! (Black Friday Jokes)
Why do ducks fly south?… Because it’s too far to walk! (Top Geography Jokes)
Why did the rooster cross the road?… To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?… He was catching all the chickens!
How do chickens get strong?… Egg-cersize. (Summer Olympic Jokes)
How do crows stick together in a flock?… Velcrow.
What did one egg say to the other egg?… Let’s get crackin’!
What do you call a crate of ducks?… A box of quackers.
Why didn’t the rooster cross the road?… Because it was chicken.
What robs you while you’re in the bathtub?… A robber ducky.
Why did Mozart sell his chickens?… Because they kept saying “bach bach”!
How did the egg cross the road?… to scrambled across!
What is green and pecks on trees?… Woody the Wood Pickle.
January 13th: Friday the 13th Jokes:
Why does Freddy Krueger wear a hat?… He ran out of scare spray.
What’s Jason Voorhees favorite dessert?… I-Scream! (Top Summer Jokes)
What do get when you cross Jason Voorhees and a box of cherrios?… A cereal killer. (Top Cereal Day Jokes)
Dear Jedi, Today is Friday the 13th, there’s never been a better time to join the Dark Side. (Top Star Wars Jokes)
What’s Jason Voorhees favorite bean?… A human bean.
What do Italian’s eat on Friday the 13th?… Fettucinni Afraid-o
What song does Jason Voorhees sing on Friday the 13th?… “Takin Care of Business”
When Jason Voorhees tells a joke…. it kills! (World’s Best Jokes)
Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the Friday the 13th dance?…Because he had no body to go with. (Top Halloween Jokes)
What pants do ghosts wear to the Friday the 13th dance?…BOO jeans. (Top Halloween Jokes)
What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY! (Top Halloween Jokes)
What does a ghost keep in its stable?…Nightmares. (Kentucky Derby Jokes)
When do vampires like horse racing?…When it’s neck and neck! (Kentucky Derby Jokes)
Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
January 19th: National Popcorn Day: Why aren’t there many jokes about popcorn?… Because they are corny.
Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Veterans’ Day Jokes)
What did the baby corn say to momma corn?… Where is pop corn? (Mother’s Day Jokes & Father’s Day Jokes)
How much do pirates charge for corn on the cob?… A buck-an-ear. (Top Pirate Jokes)
What is a popcorn’s favorite type of music?… POP
What do you call a popcorn’s favorite flower?… Poppies.
Why is popcorn way better than a movie?… Because they are just so much butter.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Papa… Papa who?… Papapapapapapapa popcorn.
What do you call a “corny” metal band?… PopKORN!
Why didn’t the kernel leave the popper?… He was cornfused. (Top Psychology Jokes)
What music gets popcorn to dance?… Hip Pop
Want to here a popcorn joke?… Nah, it’s to corny.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?… Because the corn has ears!
What did the popcorn say to the jack in the box?… POP goes the weasel.
Mom says “You keep dropping popcorn.” I say “Sorry, butter fingers.” y
What is the main ingredient for cooking popcorn?… Poprika.
Who orders everyone in the popcorn place around?… The kernel.
What makes a loud noise when changing it’s jacket, becomes larger, but weighs less?… Popcorn!
January 20th: Inauguration Day: What might an older president need for inauguration?… Presidentures!
What is the most popular college for inauguration?… The Electoral College.
How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Veterans Day Jokes & George Washington Quotes)
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (George Washington Quotes)
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (George Washington Quotes)
Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Civil War Jokes)
Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!! (George Washington Quotes)
How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms!
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent! (Civil War Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Civil War Jokes & Top Baseball Jokes)
What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (George Washington Quotes)
Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!” (Civil War Jokes)
What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside! (Civil War Jokes)
Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. (Civil War Jokes)
Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm! (Civil War Jokes)
Top 10 Funny Statements by Presidents “I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” Ronald Regan
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Regan
“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” Ronald Regan
“Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.” Ronald Regan
“I hope you’re all Republicans.” Ronald Regan speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt
“I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” John F. Kennedy, addressing complaints that his father’s money was buying the primary for him.
”My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” Jimmy Carter
“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’” Teddy Roosevelt
”In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” John Adams
“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton
“If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln

Click here for our complete list of Top 10 Jokes!

January Joke of The Day: Family Friendly Jokes for January

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