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  1. What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  2. What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash. (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  3. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  4. What is a groundhog’s favorite book?… Holes (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  5. What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?… Ground Nog Day! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  6. How do you make an egg roll?….You push it.
  7. What did the math book tell the pencil?….I have a lot of problems.
  8. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  9. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive. (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  10. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  11. What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts!
  12. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  13. What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  14. What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  15. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  16. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  17. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  18. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  19. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  20. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  21. How do billboards talk?….Sign language!
  22. Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
  23. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
  24. Where did the spaghetti go to dance?….The Meat Ball!
  25. When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar
  26. What does a pig put on a cut?….Oinkment
  27. What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?….A plain (plane) donut!
  28. Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?….Because he is always spotted!