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Interested in sponsoring this page and our joke of the day? Each joke of the day will be shared on twitter with our sponsors twitter handle. For example, @iPracticeMath is the sponsor of our math joke of the day. Below are some recent tweets. If interested email firstname.lastname@example.org.
- Check out 101 #PiDay Jokes for #Math Teachers #Math Chat http://www.mytowntutors.com/2014/03/pi-day-jokes-101-pi-day-jokes-for-math-teachers/ … via @iPracticeMath
- Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed. http://bit.ly/1naqpcx via @iPracticeMath
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My Town Tutors loves a good laugh. Over the years we have acquired many jokes. Hopefully you find them useful and can have some fun with them.
- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! There are 179 more jokes.
- Why did the inches obey the yardstick?… He was their ruler!
- What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints
- Why are bananas good at gymnastics… They do great banana splits!
- Why won’t the elephant use the computer?….He’s afraid of the mouse!
- What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer!
- What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty
- What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long?
- What kind of hats do they where at the North Pole?….Ice Caps
- What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie?…. I scream (ice cream)
- What is a cat’s favorite dessert?….Pie a la meow’d!!!
- Why is music like a fish?…. they both have scales!
- What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?…. a walkie-talkie
- What happens when you wear a snowsuit inside?…… It melts!
- Did you hear about the dog at the flea circus? …He stole the show!
- What does an envelope say when you lick it?…Nothing. It just shuts up.
- How can you tell the ocean is friendly?…It waves!
- Which are the stronger days of the week?…Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
- Which runs faster, hot or cold?…Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
- What did the flower say to the bike?…Petal!
- Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?…No, but the ice cracked up.
- Knock knockout?… Who is there?,,Daisy…Daisy who?…Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
- How do athletes stay cool during a game?…They sit near the fans!
- What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?…You’re too little to smoke!
- What did the stamp say to the envelope?…Stick with me we’ll go places!
- What do you call a cow with no legs?…Ground beef.
- How do you make a tissue dance?…Put a little boogey in it!
- What did the water say to the boat?…Nothing, it just waved.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other?…They don’t have the guts.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping?…Probably not, he is still sleeping.
- How do small children travel?…In mini-vans
- What has hands but does not clap….A clock!
- How do you make an egg roll?….You push it.
- What did the math book tell the pencil?….I have a lot of problems.
- How do billboards talk?….Sign language!
- What kind of chain is edible?….A food chain!
- How do hens stay fit?….The “egg-ercise”
- What kind of cat likes water?….an octopuss!
- What did the bunny say on January 1st?….Hoppy new year!
- What do a chicken and a band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
- Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
- What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
- Where did the spaghetti go to dance?….The Meat Ball!
- When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar.
- What is the best thing to put into a pie?….A fork!
- What does a pig put on a cut?….Oinkment
- What do call of people afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic
- What did the father buffalo say to his son?….Bye son (bison)
- What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?….A plain (plane) donut!
- Why is it so hot in a football stadium after a game?….All the fans have left!
- Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?….Because he is always spotted!
- Did you hear the joke about the cookie?….It is crummy.
- What is a cat’s favorite color?….PUUUUURple
- Did you hear the joke about the construction project?….I’m still working on it!
- Where do you put smart hot dogs?….On honor rolls!
- What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?….A watchdog!
- What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?….Shore.
- How do you get a peanut to laugh?….you crack it up!
- Why did the farmer bury all his money?….to make his soil rich!
- Where can you find an ocean without water?….on a map!
- Why do shoemakers go to heaven?….Because they have good soles!
- What do you call it when a cat sues another cat? … A Claw suit.
- Where do actors like to camp? ……The Hollywoods!
- Why do fish swim in salt water?….Pepper makes them sneeze.
- What is a robot’s favorite snack?….Computer chips!
- What do you call a fish with two knees?….A two nee fish!
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea?….Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay gulls (bagels)!
- Why did the boy stare at the automobile’s radio?….He wanted to watch a car-tune.
- When is a theater clumsy?….When the curtain falls.
- Why was the annoying exterminator fired?….Because he bugged his boss.
- How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?…It was a fish tank!
- Why was the book in the hospital?…Because it hurt his spine.
- What did the leaves name their sons?…Russell.
- Why did the man throw a clock out the window?…He wanted time to fly.
- What is a rapper’s favorite toy?…a yo – YO!
- Have you heard of the singing group the three dwarves?…Probably not. They are not that big.
- What has wheels and flies?…a garbage truck!
- Where do cows go on dates?…MOOOOvies
- Why was the trashcan sad?…He / she was dumped.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth?…a Gummy bear
- Why did the cookie cry?…He was feeling crumby.
- Why did the computer go to the doctors?…It had a virus.
- Why do birds fly south in the winter?…Because it’s too far to walk!
- What is a snake’s favorite class?…Hissss-tory!
- What do you call a cow with no feet?…Ground beef!
- What kind of pants do ghosts wear?…Boo jeans!
- What do prisoners use to call each other?…Cell phones.
- What do you get from a pampered cow?…Spoiled milk.
- What dog keeps the best time?…A watchdog.
- What did the dentist give to the marching band?…A TUBA toothpaste
- What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?…“SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing!
- What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?…Dam!
- Why is a traffic light red?…You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day.
- What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…RRRRR
- Why does the pirate wear camouflage underwear?… To hide his booty!
- Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?…Oh forget it. It’s over your head.
- What room is a dead man most afraid of?…The living room!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?…He had NO BODY to go with.
- What did the ocean say to the other ocean?…Nothing. He waved.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?…A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)!
- Why was the strawberry sad?…His mother got into a JAM!
- What do you call cheese that is not yours?…NACHO cheese!
- When is the best time to go to the dentist?…2:30 (Tooth Hurty)!
- What did one cannibal say to other after eating a clown?…Hey! Does this taste FUNNY to you?
- What did one lamp say to the other lamp?…Hey! You turn me on!
- Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?…The wedding ceremony wasn’t too good, but the reception was great!
- What did the man say when he walked into the bar?…Ouch!
- Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?… He’s all right now.
- Why do bagpipers walk when they play?…They’re trying to get away from the noise.
- What does a skeleton order when he goes to a bar?…A beer and a mop.
- Where do fish put their money?….. in a river bank!
- What is the favorite TV show of fish?…Name that TUNA!
- What did one penny say to the other penny?…Let’s get together and make some (sense) cents!
- How much did it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? … a buck an ear (a buccaneer)!
- Why did the skeleton go to the piano store?…To buy some organs!
- What section of the paper does a ghost always read?…the HORRORscopes
- Why did the skeleton hold up the barbecue?…He needed a spare rib.
- What did one eye say to the other eye?….Something between us smells!
- What do you call a cow that walks on water?…Holy cow!
- What is a witch’s favorite class?…Spelling
- Why did the lettuce beat the carrot in a race?…Because it was a head!
- What do you call a deer with no eyes?…No-Eye Deer.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs…Still, no eyed deer!
- What did zero (0) say to eight (8)?…Nice belt
- Why is six afraid of seven?… Because 7 ATE 9
- What do you get you drip a piano down a mineshaft?… A flat minor
- What did one math book say to the other?…You think you’ve got problems.
- What did one plate say to the other plate?…Lunch (dinner, or breakfast) is on me!
- Where does Santa keep his money?…In a snow bank!
- What did one wall say to the other?… Hey, let’s meet in the corner.
- What is a knight’s favorite fish?… swordfish
- Why are fish so smart?… They travel in schools!
- What did the picture say to the wall?… I was framed!
- Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze.
- What is a robot’s favorite snack? … Computer chips!
- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Daisy… Daisy who?… Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? … A nervous wreck.
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? … He wanted cold hard cash!
- What is a construction workers favorite bird? … A crane!
- If two is a pair and three is a crowd, what are four and five? … Nine!
- Why did the turtle cross the road? … To get to the “Shell” (gas) stations!
- Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? … Because he’s always a little short.
- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Irish…Irish who? … Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
- When does “B” come after “U”? … When you disturb its hive.
- What is a frog’s favorite drink? … “croak – a – cola”
- Have you heard the joke about the baseball? … It’ll leave you in stitches.
- If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring? … Pilgrims
- What did one candle say to the other candle? … Are you going out tonight?
- What did the blanket say to the bed? … Don’t worry. I got you covered.
- Why did Silly Bill tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
- What is a pokemon’s favorite dance? … The hokey pokemon
- What bird can write under water? … A ball-point “pen” quin
- Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk? … It’ll crack you up!
- Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Dwayne…Dwayne who? … Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
- Why did the turkey cross the road? … To prove it wasn’t chicken.
- Knock, knock…Who’s there?…No body… (Don’t say anything)!
- What kind of witch likes the beach? … a SAND witch (sandwich)!
- What do you get if you say “Tornado” ten times backward and forward? … A real tongue-twister!
- Did you hear the one about the duck who robbed banks? … He was a safe quacker.
- What kind of key does not open a lock? … a mon – KEY!
- Why is your nose in the middle of your face? … Because it is the “scenter.” / Center!
- How do you make a Venetian blind? … Poke him in the eye.
- What do you call a bird that is sad? … A Blue Bird!
- What do you call a fish with no I’s? … A Fssssssh!
- Why did the baseball player get arrested? … Because he stole second base
- What was the baby ant so confused? … Because all his uncles were ANTS!
- Why was the dolphin so sad? … Because he had no PORPOISE in life!
- What happened when the frog parked illegally? … It was TOAD!!
- What always falls and never gets hurt?……..rain!
- I heard they put a new wing on the school….That is true, but it still won’t fly.
- What do astronauts have for dinner?…Launch meat!
- What letters are not in the alphabet?…The ones in the mail.
- Knock Knock!…Who’s there?…Cargo!…Cargo who?…CarGo Beep Beep!
- What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?… anything you want, it can’t hear you!
- What is the only bow that you can’t tie?…Rainbow!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?…Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!!
- What is the loudest state?… ILL-I-NOISE
- Knock knock…who’s there?…little boy…little boy who?…little boy who can’t reach the doorbell!
- Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?… to see a butterfly!
- How was that Camping Trip?…Intense (in-tents)!
- Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?…Because they are always stuffed!
Content Jokes (141 Jokes)
40 Geography Jokes
101 Math Jokes for Math Teachers
Special Editions (415 Jokes):
February 14th: 40 Valentine’s Day Jokes of Teachers
February: 13 Presidents Day Jokes
March 14th: 101 Pi Day Jokes
March 17th: 31 St. Patrick’s Day Jokes
April: 70 Easter Jokes
November: 20 Thanksgiving Jokes
December 25th: 140 Christmas Jokes for Teachers
My Town Tutors is a website that connects parents with teachers who tutor. It is FREE for parents to search for a teacher in their area. Please help us find ONE MORE teacher who tutors!
Parents, “teachers are great tutors!” Find one in your area today!