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- Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?… Because everyone was a goblin!
- What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
- Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?… Day scare!
- What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?…The trombone.
- Where do movie stars go on Halloween?…MaliBOO!
- Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck!
- What does a bird say at Halloween?…”Twick or tweet.”
- What does a panda ghost eat?….Bam-BOO!
- What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?…Lazy bones!
- What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing)
- Who did Dracula bring to the prom?…His ghoul friend.
- What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY!
- What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?…A nectarine.
- What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?…”Spook when you’re spooken to.”
- What kind of mail does a celebrity vampire get?…Fang mail!
- What kind of boat do werewolves like?…blood vessels
- What is the problem with two twin witches?… You never know which witch is which!
- What pants do ghosts wear?…BOO jeans.
- What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?…A chicken sand witch.
- What does a ghost call his mom and dad?…His transparents.
- What did the skeleton order with his drink?… A mop.
- Why did the mummy get a headache?…Because he was GOBLIN his candy!
- Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
- Where did the ghost go on vacation?…The BOO-hamas!
- Why did Dracula go to the library?…He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!
- How do phantoms travel?…Ghost to ghost.
- What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?…A wide scream TV.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?…Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!
- What school subject is a witch good at?…Spelling.
- What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?…A pumpkin patch.
- Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?…Because you can see right through him.
- What do you call a witch at the beach?…A sand-witch.
- Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?…Because he didn’t have the guts.
- Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?…Because he wanted to get some muscles!
- Why did the vampire give up acting?…Because he couldn’t find a part he could sink his teeth into.
- Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?…Because there was a dog on the other side.
- What do skeletons say before they start to eat?…Bone appetite.
- What do ghosts serve for dessert?…I scream.
- What monster wears the most clothes?…A werewolf!
- How do you make a witch itch?…Take away her W.
- What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.”
- Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?…Because he had no body to go with.
- Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?…Because he had no body to dance with!
- What is a witch’s favorite food?…Goulash.
- Why was the little ghost crying?…Because he wanted his mummy.
- What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?…”Let’s get glowing.”
- What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?… A flying Band-Aid.
- Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?…Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
- What do you do when you see a ghost?…Run away of course!
- Where does a vampire keep his money?…In a blood bank.
- What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?…A cab.
- Why don’t skeletons play music in church?…They have no organs.
- What kind of dog does a vampire have?…A bloodhound.
- What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.”
- What did the werewolf eat after he’d had his teeth cleaned?…The dentist.
- What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?…Ghoul-aid!
- What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy.
- Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?…To the living room!
- What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?…Milk, it’s white and good for your bones.
- When do vampires like horse racing?…When it’s neck and neck!
- Why did the Cyclops close his school?…Because he only had one pupil.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?…Frostbite.
- What do you call two witches who share a broom?…Broom mates.
- What do you call two witches that live together?…Broom mates.
- What do you call a nervous witch?… A twitch.
- What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?…Dead ringers.
- What does a ghost keep in its stable?…Nightmares.
- How do ghosts like their eggs?…Terror-fried.
- How was Frankenstien’s birth?…Shocking.
- Why can’t you tell a skeleton a secret?…Because it goes in one ear and out the other.
- What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
- Why don’t mummies take vacations?…They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
- What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?…Life Savers.
- What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?…The actors get stage fright.
- What song do vampires hate?…”You are my sunshine!”
- What did the little ghost say to his mom?…”I’ve got a boo boo.”
- What is a ghost’s favourite ride?… A roller-ghoster.
- What do witches call for in a hotel room?… Broom service.
- What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?…Sherlock Bones!
- What do you call an overweight pumpkin?…A plumpkin!
- How do you make a skeleton laugh?…Tickle its funnybone!
- What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?…Being her broom.
- What do vampires never order at a cafe?…A STAKE sandwich!
- What did one ghost say to the other?…”Do you believe in people?!”
- What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?…Auld Fang Syne!
- Where do ghosts get their mail?…At the ghost office.
- What do skeletons say at the front door?…”Crick or creak!”
- What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?…Any old girl he can dig up.
- Why was the big hairy , two-headed monster top of the class in school?…Because two heads are better than one.
- Frankenstein and Dracula had a tennis match. Who won?…Frankenstein, because Dracula sucks! (sorry PG 13)
- What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?…A cariboo!
- Why doesn’t a witch wear a flat hat?…Because there’s no point in it!
- What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?…French FRIGHTS!
- Why don’t you eat ghosts?…They’ll go right through you.
- What games do bats like to play on Halloween?… Anything with a ball.
- What do you read on Halloween?…BOO-ks
- Why can’t Dracula play baseball?…He lost his bat.
- What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?…Halloween!
- What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?…A Hallo-weenie!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the guitar?…The neck.
- Knock knock…Who’s there?…Wolves say…Wolves say who?…Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!
- Knock knock…Who’s there?…Boo!…Boo who?…No, no, don’t cry! I was just kidding.
Bonus Jokes
- Knock knock…Who’s there?…Ivana…Ivana who?…Ivana suck your blood.
- Knock knock…Who’s there?…Frank…Frank who?…Frankenstein!
- Knock knock…Who’s there?…Orange…Orange who?…Orange you glad it’s Halloween?!
- Knock knock..Who’s there?…The ghost and the invisible man…The ghost and the invisible man who?…Long time no see!
- Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You’re lemonade!
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