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- Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
- Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
- What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
- Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
- What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
- What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
- Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
- “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
- What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
- What do Chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Top Holiday Jokes & Top Coffee Day Jokes)
- What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!
- Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?… He was totally bow-gus!
- What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts!
- What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses!
- What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you!
- What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… You’re nuts so bad yourself!
- What is the difference between a calendar and single person?… A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.
- Why did the banana go out with the prune for Valentine’s Day?… Because he couldn’t get a date.
- Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?… Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
- What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?… I love you a ton!
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Sherwood… Sherwood who?… Sherwood like to be your valentine! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
- What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Rugs and kisses!
- What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny!
- What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?… His ghoul-friend.
- What did the drum say to his Valentine?… My heart beats for you! (Top Biology Jokes)
- What did one calculator say to the other?… “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” (101 Math Jokes)
- What did the painter say to his Valentine?… I love you with all my art!
- What did the owl say to his Valentine?… Owl be yours!
- What did the cat say to his Valentine?… You’re purr-fect for me!
- If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?… Antelope.
- What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you!
- What did the bat say to his girlfriend?…. You’re fun to hang around with.
- What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?… “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
- Knock knock!…Who’s there?… Howard… Howard who?… Howard you like a big kiss?
- What do single people call Valentine’s Day?… Happy Independence Day (Top 40 4th of July Jokes).
- Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?… Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
- What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers!
- Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas Valentine’s Day is here!
- What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?…. A card that says, “I love you drool-ly!” (Top Dog Jokes)
- Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?… She stole his heart.
- What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?…. Hogs and kisses!
- What did one pickle say to the other?… You mean a great dill to me.
- Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Jimmy… Jimmy who?… Jimmy a little kiss?
- What did one volcano say to the other?…I lava you.(Top Geography Jokes)
- Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?… She didn’t suit his taste!
- What did one light bult say to the other?… You light up my life!
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring.
- What did the iPod say to it`s owner?… You make me so very appy!
- What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?… I Love Ewe!
- What did the girl sheep say back to the boy sheep?… You’re not so baaaa-d yourself!
- What happened when the two angels got married?… They lived harpily ever after!
- What did one snake say to the other snake?… Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
- What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you!
- What did the boy pig say to the girl pig?… I’m hog wild about you!
- What did the engine say to the key?… You turn me on!
- What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine`s Day?… Let me call you Tweet heart!
- What did the light bulb say to his Valentine?… I love you watts and watts!
- What did the train say to his Valentine?… I choo-choo-choose you!
- What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?… You are bee- utiful! Will you bee mine?
- What did the girl bee say to the boy bee on Valentine’s Day?… I love beeing with you, Honey!
- Then there was the guy who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine`s Day. So he took her to a baseball park! (Top Baseball Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- What did one bell say to the other?… Be my valenchime!
- Do you love me more than you love sleep?… I can`t answer now. It`s time for my nap!
- What did one fir tree say to the other?… Be my valenpine!
- Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?… It was a case of guppy love.
- What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a baseball player?… A glover boy! (Top Baseball Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- What is the most romantic city in England?… Loverpool! (Top Geography Jokes)
- What happened when the two tennis players met?… It was lob at first sight! (Top Tennis Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?… He fell in love with a pin cushion!
- What did the chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Hugs and quiches.
- What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much!
- Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?… Because he wanted sweet dreams.
- What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine’s Day?… Somebunny likes you!
- What did the boy whale say to the girl whale on Valentine’s Day?… Whale you be mine?
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Pooch… Pooch who?… Pooch your arms around me! (Top Dog Jokes)
- Why do melons have to get married in churches?… Because they cantaloupe!
- Knock knock!… Who’s there? Frank… Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
- What did the buck say to the doe on Valentine’s Day?…. You’re a dear! (Deer)
- What did one piece of string say to the other?… Be my valentwine!
- What did the letter say to the stamp?… You send me.
- Knock, knock…Who’s there?… Luke… Luke who?… Luke, I got a Valentine!
- What did one monster say to the other?… Be my valenslime!
- What did the vacuum cleaner say to the outlet?… I really get a charge out of you!
- What did the rabbit say to his Valentine?… You’re no bunny ’til some bunny loves you!
- What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?… I’m sweet on you!
- What did the octopus say to his Valentine?… I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
- What did the valentine card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and we`ll go places!
- What do you get when dragons kiss?… Third degree burns of the lips!
- What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a meat and vegtable dish?… Stewpid!
- What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?… One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.
- What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?… Forget-me-nuts.
- What happened to your leg?…I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day and I pulled a mussel!
- What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?… It made him wed his plants!
- What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?… “Be my valenstein!”
- What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?… You get buttered up.
- What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?… He gives it a valenshine!
- What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?… He left lip prints on the mirror!
- What’s the best part about Valentines Day?… The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
- What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?… I only have eyes for ewe, dear,
- Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?… It was Valenswine’s Day.
- Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed, “guess who?”… A divorce lawyer.
- What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?… “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”
- Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?… Because even Cupid can`t hit a target that small
- What two words have a thousand letters in them?… Post Office!
- Why do valentines have hearts on them?… Because spleens would look pretty gross!
- Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?… Because you always heart the one you love!
- What’s red and white and swims in the ocean?… A valentine cod!
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: Look at the tag on their shirt and then say: “Oh, I thought you were made in Heaven!”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Were your parents thieves?… Because they must have stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Did it hurt? When you fell down out of heaven.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Excuse me, do you have a mobile phone I can use? I told my Mum I’d call her when I fell in love!!!”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “I lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?”