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Author Bio: Rossana Snee, MFT. Follow her on Twitter @askjoshsmom, Askjoshsmom.com, and https://www.facebook.com/askjoshsmom.
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“Because I Said So!”
Imagine going in to see your teacher. You ask her what the reasoning is behind having to do the essay earlier than was planned. Her response, “Because I said so!”
How satisfied would you be with that? You’d walk out of the classroom more confused than ever. All you want is a little explanation, right? We all feel better when things are explained to us. Even at the dentist’s office, when they tell you step by step what they’re doing, you feel comforted, don’t you? I know I do. I don’t want to feel a prick on my gums when I didn’t know one was coming.
The same is true of children. Children are notorious for asking questions: How do flowers grow? Why does it rain? How come dogs bark? Why can’t I stay up later? They want to know the answer to their why’s, their how’s, etc.
Some parents, however, have a different mindset. They don’t believe children deserve an explanation. They feel that just saying, “Because I said so,” is good enough.
But is it really? That phrase does nothing to explain the how, or why of anything. It’s no wonder children are left wondering and confused. But what can they can do other than act out and continue to ask? Here are two scenarios:
“Because I Said So!”
Imagine going in to see your teacher. You ask her what the reasoning is behind having to do the essay earlier than was planned. Her response, “Because I said so!”
How satisfied would you be with that? You’d walk out of the classroom more confused than ever. All you want is a little explanation, right? We all feel better when things are explained to us. Even at the dentist’s office, when they tell you step by step what they’re doing, you feel comforted, don’t you? I know I do. I don’t want to feel a prick on my gums when I didn’t know one was coming.
The same is true of children. Children are notorious for asking questions: How do flowers grow? Why does it rain? How come dogs bark? Why can’t I stay up later? They want to know the answer to their why’s, their how’s, etc.
Some parents, however, have a different mindset. They don’t believe children deserve an explanation. They feel that just saying, “Because I said so,” is good enough.
But is it really? That phrase does nothing to explain the how, or why of anything. It’s no wonder children are left wondering and confused. But what can they can do other than act out and continue to ask? Here are two scenarios:
#1 “Mom, can I stay up later?”
“No! Get to bed right now.”
“But why?”
“Because I said so!”
#2 “Mom, can I stay up later?”
“No! You need to get to bed.”
“But why?”
“Because it’s late, honey. It’s a school night, and sleep is very important. It helps you grow. And you want to grow and become a big boy, right?”
“I guess.”
“How about two more minutes, then off to bed it is?”
Which scenario sounds kinder and more loving? I think it’s clear scenario number two is the way to go.
Always show kindness and respect to your children. Whatever you deserve as an adult is deserved by your child. Perhaps not always in the same way, but love and respect translate the same way, whether you’re a child or an adult.