Top 50 Veterans Day Jokes

by | Nov 11, 2022 | careers, Dads, Education, Latest News, School Jokes

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Social Studies Jokes

  2. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Veterans Day jokes. (Veterans Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  3. I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn’t get a straight answer… He just kept telling me it’s private.
  4. Why do WWI veterans dislike golf?… They always end up in the bunker. (Golf jokes)
  5. A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. “Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” When 24 men raised their hands, the Sergeant asked the other man: “Why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”
  6. During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel. “Your car stuck, sir?” asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside. “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. “Yours is.”
  7. A Drill Sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said: “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied: “Not me, Sarge…no sir! “I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line.”
  8. I became a chef after I left the army… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran. (Labor Day Jokes)
  9. At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused: “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?” (Track Jokes)
  10. The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”
  11. Why don’t skeletons go to the Veterans Day parade?… Because they don’t have anybody to go with. (Skeleton Jokes)
  12. What do you call a really high ranking snack?… A popcorn colonel. (Memorial Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  13. How is a bag of popcorn like an army?… It has lots of kernels. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  14. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (4th of July Jokes & Arbor Day Jokes)
  15. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Coffee Jokes)
  16. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the marines?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! (Karate Jokes & Marine Jokes)
  17. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Memorial Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  18. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe name all the branches of the US Military?
  19. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II…Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.” (Grandparent Jokes / High School Jokes / Middle School Jokes)
  20. A veteran’s son asks him “Dad, did you get shot in the army?” The dad replies, “Nope! But I got shot in the leggy.”
  21. A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?… A seasoned veteran.
  22. What does an American WWII veteran say when you ask him if he wants some tea?… Sherman tanks! (Tea Jokes)
  23. The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. As they go to bed for the night, the first sergeant said: “Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?” The commander said: “I see millions of stars.” Sgt: “And what does that tell you, sir?” “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?” Sgt: “Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent.” (Napping Jokes)
  24. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events?… Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable.
  25. The Chief of Staff of the US Air Force decided to personally recruit some pilots and he saw two young twins. He looked at the first young man and asked: “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?” The young man looks at him and says: “I’m a pilot!” The General gets all excited, turns to his aide and says: “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off. The General looks at the second young man and asks: “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?” The young man says: “I chop wood!” “Son,” the general replies: “We don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?” “I chop wood!” “Young man,” huffs the general, “You are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!” “Well,” the young man says, “You hired my brother!” “Of course we did,” says the general, “He’s a pilot!” The young man rolls his eyes and says: “So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!” (Pilot Jokes & Plane Jokes)
  26. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies?
  27. Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end of fall… He was absent without leaves! (Fall Jokes)
  28. There was a bad accident at the Air Force base… A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels. (Memorial Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  29. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military?… The INFANTry!
  30. What’s the WWII veteran’s name?… Norman D.
  31. I went to a football game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, “You know, technically, national anthems are just… country music. (Music Jokes)
  32. When I grow up I want to be a veterinarian then go into the army, and become a veteran so I can become…A Vet Vet.
  33. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential Inauguration?…. In general terms. (Memorial Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  34. I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet?… “Why didn’t you become a real doctor?” (Grandparent Day Jokes)
  35. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Popcorn Jokes)
  36. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time?…They want their patients to see 20:20!
  37. Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces?… For the chance to gain some experience in the service. (Volleyball Jokes)
  38. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite?… A PETTY officer!
  39. Why didn’t the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military?… It was”private.”
  40. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day?… March forth!
  41. What music does a decorated veteran listen to?… Heavy Medal.
  42. My Grandpa who is a veteran had a heart of a lion… Which is why he is banned from every zoo. (Lion Jokes)
  43. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (4th of July Jokes)
  44. Why wouldn’t the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?… There were too many vets. (Dog Jokes)
  45. A famous Admiral and an equally famous General were fishing together when a sudden storm hit. When it died down both renowned warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The Admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the General, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: “Please don’t say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found out I can’t swim I’d be disgraced.” “Don’t worry,” the general said. “Your secret is safe. I’d hate to have my men find out I can’t walk on water.” (Fishing Jokes)
  46. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is. (Memorial Day Jokes & Octopus Jokes)
  47. What do you call a training sergeant who’s very kind and respectful?… A drill serGENTLEMEN!
  48. What do yo call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?… A loo-tenant. (Napping Jokes)
  49. What do hungry Navy sailors eat?… SUB sandwiches!
  50. What is a Soldier’s least favorite month?… March!