Top 50 Nurse Jokes

by | May 9, 2022 | Dads, Education, Latest News, School Jokes

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Top Joke Pages: 

  1. The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.” (Biology Jokes for Kids & Halloween Jokes)
  2. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local middle school?… Probably not, he is still sleeping in the nurse’s office. (Napping Jokes & Nurse Jokes)
  3. Why did the nurse go to art school?… So they could learn to draw blood.
  4. What is it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?… A mid-wife crisis! (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  5. Why do nurses carry red crayons to work?… In case they have to draw blood. (Crayon Jokes)
  6. Why did middle school nurse tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills. (Doctor Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  7. Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?… In case they have to draw blood.
  8. I was gonna have a baby at the hospital downtown but the week I was due, all the nurses quit their job and bought Corvettes. I guess they were having a midwife crisis.
  9. The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, “You have a cute baby.” The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents.” “No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband again asked “So what do you say to the others?” The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you. (Baby Jokes)
  10. Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?” Nurse, “No change.”
  11. A practical nurse is one who marries a rich, terminally ill patient.
  12. Statistically 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.
  13. A nurse wakes up her patient and says “Wake up Mrs. Johnson. It’s time to take your sleeping pills”
  14. When I went to get my vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time. I told them to give it their best shot.
  15. Patient to nurse, “Will I be able to play the guitar after this operation?” Nurse, “Yes, of course.” Patient “That’s great because I couldn’t before.” (Music Jokes)
  16. After a bad cut, I asked the ER nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said, “Suture self.”
  17. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk quietly past the medicine cabinet?… So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
  18. Doctor to a nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?” Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?”
  19. What Do Transplant Nurses Hate?… Rejection
  20. What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment. (Bird Jokes)
  21. I once heard a joke about amnesia but I forget how it goes.
  22. Why do Nurses make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. (Star Wars Jokes)
  23. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!” (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  24. PMS joke are not funny. Period. (Grammar Jokes)
  25. What do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?… A synapse.
  26. What ‘s the difference between a nurse and a nun?… A nun only serves one God.
  27. The nurse taking my blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying: ‘be negative.’ (Psychology Jokes)
  28. Why did the computer go to the nurse?… It had a virus.
  29. Did you hear about the nurse who died and went to hell?… It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!
  30. Did you hear about the maternal nurse who ran off with a doctor?… It was a midwife crisis.
  31. Did you hear the joke about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around. (Doctor Jokes)
  32. What did the nurse say to the patient who swallowed Scrabble tiles?… Don’t worry, you’ll have a vowel movement soon.
  33. The nurse who can smile when things go wrong… Is probably going off duty.
  34. Where did the teacher send the Viking when he got sick in class?… To the school Norse! (Viking Jokes & Leif Erikson Day Jokes)
  35. When is the worst time to have a heart attack?… During a game of charades.
  36. Phone call with nurse: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Nurse: “Is this her first child?” Me: “No, you idiot!, this is her husband!” (Baby Jokes)
  37. A nurse asked me recently, “Are you always this pale?” I told him, “Only on caucasian.”
  38. When does a nurse get mad?… When she / he runs out of patients!
  39. I studied to become a nurse, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. (Labor Jokes)
  40. I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight… to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care.
  41. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the nurse is helping the doctor and taking us out!
  42. Where does the Easter Bunny study medicine? … John HOPkins. (Easter Jokes)
  43. I don’t find medical puns funny anymore since I developed an irony deficiency. (Grammar Jokes)
  44. Where does a canoe go when it’s sick?… To the DOCK! (Canoe Jokes for Kids / Doctor Jokes for Kids / Summer Jokes for Kids)
  45. Why did the pillow go to the nurse?… He was feeling all stuffed up!
  46. How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?… None. They just have a nursing student do it.
  47. What is the opposite of you’re out?… Urine. (Baseball Jokes)
  48. Patient to nurse: “I feel run down.” Nurse: “ What makes you say that?” Patient: “The tire marks across my legs.” (Car Jokes)
  49. Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?… He’s all right now.
  50. Why did the donut go to the nurse?… Because it was feeling crummy! (Donut Jokes for Kids)
  51. What did the coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)