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What are the Triathlon distances and order?

  1. Swim 2.4 Miles (Top Swimming Jokes)
  2. Cycling 112 Miles (Top Cycling Jokes)
  3. Marathon 26.2 Miles (Top Marathon Jokes)

Total: 140.6 Miles

  1. What is Ironman’s favorite major world sporting event?… The “Ironman” Triathlon!
  2. Who is the unofficial sponsor of the oldest Triathlon?… Ironman!
  3. What is Ironman’s favorite sport?… A Triathlon!
  4. What did the mummy triathlon coach say at the end of the workout?… “Let’s wrap this up!” (Top Halloween Jokes)
  5. When is a triathlete like a judge?… When he sits on the bench.
  6. What would you get if you crossed a triathlete and the Invisible Man?… swimming, biking, and running like no one has ever seen.
  7. Why was Cinderella such a bad triathlete?… Her coach was a pumpkin.
  8. Why is a triathlon the coolest place to be?… Because it’s full of fans.
  9. Where do triathletes go to get a new uniform?… New Jersey (Top Geography Jokes & Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
  10. What did the Ironman’s wife say to him? Nothing, she never saw him! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  11. You Know You’re a Triathlete When … Baggage for any out of town trip includes running gear and goggles.
  12. A cyclist shows up at the local race on a new bike.
    His friends all ask, “Where did you get a new bike?”
    The cyclist replies, “Well, yesterday I was out running when this absolutely beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want!”

Top 29 Swimming Jokes

  1. Why did the teacher jump into the water?… She wanted to test the water!
  2. What kind of stroke can you use on toast?… BUTTER-fly!
  3. Why did a person keep doing the backstroke?… He  just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
  4. Why did the vegetarians stop swimming?… They didn’t like meets!
  5. What word looks the same backwards and upside down?… Swims. (Letter of the Week)
  6. How do swimmers clean themselves?… They wash up on shore!
  7. Why wasn’t the woman afraid when she saw a shark while she was swimming in the water?… Because it was a man-eating shark!
  8. Why can male elephants swim whenever they want?… They always have trunks with them!
  9. What race is never run?… A swimming race.
  10. What kind of fish can’t swim?… A dead one.
  11. What is a polar bear’s favorite stroke?… Blubber-fly!
  12. What detergent do swimmers use to wash their wet suit?… Tide!
  13. Did you hear about the slow swimmer?… He could only do the crawl.
  14. Where do ghosts like to go swimming?… Lake Eerie
  15. Where do zombies like to go swimming?… The Dead Sea
  16. What kind of swimmer makes a good gardener?… One with great seed times!
  17. What do a dentist and a swim coach have in common?… They both use drills!
  18. What kind of exercises are best for a swimmer?… Pool-ups!
  19. In which direction does a chicken swim?… Cluck-wise!
  20. Why should you never swim on a full stomach?…  Because it’s easier to swim in water!
  21. What kind of dive are infantry men best at?… Cannon-ball
  22. How do people swimming in the ocean say HI to each other?… They Wave!
  23. What stroke do sheep enjoy doing?… The baaaackstroke!
  24. Why won’t they allow elephants in public swimming pools?… Because they might let down their trunks.
  25. If you were swimming in the ocean and a big alligator attacked you, what should you do?… Nothing. There are no alligators in the ocean.
  26. A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn’t the lemon?… Because it was yellow.
  27. Why shouldn’t you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? … Because they are all wet.
  28. What is the only way a miser will swim?… Freestyle.
  29. Where do race cars go swimming?…  In a car pool.

Top 22 Cycling Jokes

  1. Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?… The pavement.
  2. Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own?… Because it’s two tired!
  3. What does a bicycle call its dad?… Pop-cycle! (Top 50 Father’s Day Jokes & Top Father’s Day Quotes)
  4. Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?… They tend to lose their balance. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
  5. What is a ghost-proof bicycle?… One with no spooks in it. (Top Halloween Jokes)
  6. What did the flower say to the bike?… petal.
  7. What do you call an artist who sculpts with bicycle parts?… Cycleangelo (Art Teachers are Great Tutors!)
  8. Did you hear about the lunatic who won the Tour De France in one day?… He took the psycho-path. (Top Psychology Jokes)
  9. What do you get if you cross a bike and a flower?… Bicycle petals!
  10. What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?… Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
  11. Why can’t you take a nap during the Tour de France?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
  12. What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist?… Bike-carbonate of soda! (Mole Day Jokes & Top Chemistry Jokes)
  13. What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?… bedridden
  14. Why do bicycles fall asleep?… Because they’re tired.
  15. When is a bicycle not a bicycle?… When it turns into a driveway.
  16. How do you know you’ve married a cycling addict?… You laundry has more bike jerseys than clothes.
  17. Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?… Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
  18. Why couldn’t Cinderella win the bicycle race?… She has a pumpkin for a coach!
  19. What do you call a professional cyclist who just broke up with his girlfriend?… Homeless
  20. “What do you call a crazy pavement?”… A cycle path. (Top Psychology Jokes)
  21. “Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live.” Mark Twain
  22. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Top 14 Marathon Jokes

  1. Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet!
  2. Did you hear about the marathon race between the lettuce and the tomato?… The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
  3. How do crazy runners go through the forest?… They take the psycho path.(Top Psychology Jokes & Psychology Lessons)
  4. Who is the fastest runner of all time?… Adam, because he came first in the human race!
  5. If marathon runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?… Mistletoe? (Top Christmas Jokes)
  6. What do runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory. (Psychology Memory Lessons)
  7. How do you know your a dedicated runner?… When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
  8. How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?… When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.
  9. What do you get when you run in front of a car?… TIRED (NASCAR Jokes)
  10. What do you get when you run behind a car?… EXHAUSTED (NASCAR Jokes)
  11. Why can’t you take a nap during a marathon race?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
  12. What does a runner drink when she is in last place?… Ketchup.
  13. What do you call a competitive runner who just broke up with his girlfriend?… Homeless
  14. What kind of running shoes are made from banana skins?… Slippers.

Honorable Mentions:

  1. If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?… Twenty after one!
  2. What do you call a free treadmill?… Outside.
  3. Why do dogs run in circles?… Because its hard to run in squares!
  4. Why do marathon runners go jogging early in the morning?… They want to finish before their brain figures out what they’re doing.
  5. Why did the vegetarians stop running cross country?… They didn’t like meets!
  6. What race is never run?… A swimming race.
  7. What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?… They both use drills!