My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!

Google Search “California Jokes”

  1. What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?… UCLA.
  2. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars?… Holly-wood! (Christmas Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  3. What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?… A con-tour map. (Geography Jokes)
  4. California geologists aren’t perfect, they have their San Andreas faults. (Geography Jokes)
  5. Where do waffles go on vacation?… Sandy Eggo. (Travel Blogs)
  6. Where in California does everyone have minty fresh breath?… Sacra-mentos.
  7. Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt. But a few snakes were rattled. (Earthquake Jokes & Snake Jokes)
  8. What did California say to Baja California?… Nothing. They just shook! (Earthquake Jokes)
  9. Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?… They’re allegedly calling themselves the “ca-hoots.” (Bird Jokes)
  10. What’s California’s favorite band?… Earth Wind and Fire. (Music Jokes)
  11. What did the ground say to the California earthquake?… You crack me up!(Geography Jokes / Earthquake Jokes / California Jokes)
  12. Why did the California Girl resolve to have only 3 children?… She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese.
  13. If the LA Lakers were chasing the San Francisco Giants, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05) (Baseball Jokes & Basketball Jokes)
  14. It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (Police Jokes)
  15. What do you get if you drop a waffle on a Southern California beach?… A sandy Eggo!
  16. I heard it’s a great time to buy in California. Real-estate’s on fire there!
  17. What do Magic Johnson and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Basketball Jokes)
  18. California is looking to eradicate a once popular item. Apparently it was the last straw.
  19. If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’d have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible.” (Prime Day Jokes)
  20. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Sacramento River! (California Rivers)
  21. Where do you find the Pacific Ocean without water?… On a map! (Geography Jokes)
  22. Why can West Coast fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales. (Fishing Jokes)
  23. What did the California flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  24. Did you hear about the California Girls that went to Disneyland?… They were driving down the freeway and saw a sign Disneyland Left; so they went home.
  25. Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?… There was a power outage, and twelve California Valley Girls were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
  26. What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Top Baseball Jokes)
  27. What does California need in order to have 100% renewable energy by 2045?… 40 million generators.
  28. Did you hear about the map of California that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian. (Geography Jokes & Library Jokes)
  29. Why were many celebrities including Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all hospitalized yesterday in Los Angeles?… An apparent allergic reaction to fresh air!
  30. Where do find missing angels?… Lost Angeles
  31. What is the tallest building in the California?… The Los Angeles Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  32. Why does the Joe Montana know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  33. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The California Freeway Turnpike!
  34. What’s in the middle of the Pacific (Ocean)?… Letter C (or E)! (Top Geography Jokes)
  35. What do Steve Young and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  36. What do you call a group of California Highway Patrolmen with chewing tobacco?… CHiPs and dip.
  37. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Hollywood. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Hollywood! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  38. Did you hear about the two California Valley Girls who froze to death in a drive-in movie?…They went to see “Closed for the Winter.” (Movie Jokes)
  39. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The San Joaquin River! (Top Geography Jokes)
  40. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Oregon, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  41. Why don’t you see penguins Monteray Bay Aquarium in Great Britain?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Top Geography Jokes)
  42. Can you name the capital of California?… “C”
  43. Why did the non-binary prospector move to California in 1849?… Because there was gold in them/their hills.
  44. What did Lake Tahoe say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in California)
  45. What is the tallest building in?… Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  46. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Turnpike!
  47. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Sacramento River. (Ten Longest Rivers in California)
  48. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The River!
  49. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The River Significance! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  50. Why does California have so many lawyers and New York has so much garbage?… New York had first choice. (Lawyer Jokes)
  51. If a plane crashed on the borders of where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  52. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: North Dakota. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in ! (Teacher Jokes)
  53. Did you hear the joke about Mountain?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes & California Mountains)
  54. California pick up line I have electricity.
  55. The dispensaries in California have teams devoted to rolling up marijuana. It’s a joint effort.
  56. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing the California plains when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  57. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” California Resident: “No, not yet.”
  58. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” California Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  59. Where do California elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  60. Where do California middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  61. A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!” “You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!” (Police Jokes)
  62. Where do California high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  63. Why is “The Wave” banned in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum?… Two USC fans drowned last year. 
  64. Why did the University of Southern California regents decide to cover Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in cardboard?… Because the Trojans always look better on paper.
  65. Why do San Diego State students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked. 
  66. Why did the UCLA football team cross the road?… Because it was easier than crossing the goal line. 
  67. What is the most popular type of tree in California?… Ash. (Tree Jokes)
  68. Why do the UCLA Bruins eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
  69. My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes just in the last week. I told her it was her fault.
  70. What separates a good team from a great team?…: The California-Oregon border.
  71. Did you hear about the earthquake in California?… it was all San Andreas Fault.
  72. Did you hear about the power outage at the San Diego State library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  73. Why did the California teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  74. Why did the California teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  75. Why did the California teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  76. Why did the California teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  77. What did California see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  78. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Nevada, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  79. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Arizona, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)