Texas Jokes

by | Sep 11, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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(Texas Jokes)

More Texas Jokes…

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Texas jokes.
  2. What famous line was heard all around Texas during the 2023 Sweet Sixteen?…. Houston, we have a problem. (March Madness Jokes)
  3. Where do Hobbits ride horses?… At the Frodeo. (Horse Jokes & Texas Jokes)
  4. March Madness 1983: What did the announcer say when looking at the Houston Cougars free throws in the championship game 10/19 (53%)?… Houston, we have a problem.
  5. What did the announcer say when looking at the Houston Cougars started missing free throws at the end of the championship game?… Houston, we have a problem
  6. March Madness 1983: What did the announcer say when Clyde Drexler picked up his 4th foul in the Championship game?… Houston, we have a problem. (March Madness Jokes)
  7. Why is there a Texas school in the tournament called “Steve Austin”?… Because Stone Cold said so. (Wrestling Jokes & Texas Jokes)
  8. This really was supposed to be a joke! Why did the baseball manager get arrested (and fired)?… for stealing signs. (Police Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  9. My friend asked me what I thought about the state North of Texas… I told him it’s OK! (Oklahoma Jokes)
  10. What did the Texan say every time he ordered apple pie at a restaurant?… Remember the à la mode! (Ice Cream Jokes)
  11. The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, “Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.”
  12. Where in America should you go to feel good about yourself and life?… Fort Worth Texas! (Psychology Jokes)
  13. What is the Texas state slogan?… Oils well that ends well. (Earth Day Jokes)
  14. We’re in Houston, so don’t call us… Just Texas.
  15. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the Fort Worth Zoo. (Zoo Jokes & 10 Best Texas Zoos)
  16. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’ (Election Jokes)
  17. Why shouldn’t people from Texas be allowed to drive?… Because they’re always Texan and driving. (Car jokes)
  18. What would you call south Texas in a heat wave?… Corpus Crispy. (Heat Wave Jokes)
  19. If a cowboy rode into town on Friday and left three days later on Friday. How the heck did it happen?… The horse’s name is Friday!
  20. How do the zebras at the Cameron Park Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes & Texas Zoos)
  21. What did Lake Texoma say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in Texas)
  22. What does a fish from Texas say when he sees his friend?… “Chowdy!” (Fishing Jokes)
  23. Can you name the capital of Texas?… “T”
  24. In what state does the Brazos River flow?… Liquid. (Ten Longest Rivers in Texas)
  25. Over the summer, Texas is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 121°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes)
  26. What is a Guadalupe Peak’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Hiking Jokes / Texas Mountains / Candy Jokes)
  27. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Caldwell Zoo?… Lion. (Oregon Jokes / Texas Zoos / Zoo Jokes)
  28. I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold’em… It’s called Pokermon. (Nevada Jokes)
  29. What do you get when you cross an earthquake with a heat wave?… Shake ‘n’ Bake. (Earthquake Jokes)
  30. Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; “Houston, you have a problem.” (Hurricane Jokes & Astronomy Jokes)
  31. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Texas?… Because Texas drivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  32. Texas: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  33. Texas: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  34. A retired Texas man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  35. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Texas?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  36. Over the winter, Texas is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as cold as -24°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  37. Why can’t Amon-Carter Peak and Guadalupe Peak play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak. (Texas Mountains  & Ghost Jokes)
  38. What is a Texas cloud’s favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  39. Why is a the Rio Grande rich? …. Because it has two banks. (Ten Longest Rivers in Texas)
  40. Speaking of driving… Texas roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  41. Why won’t any of Texas’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  42. What did Texas see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  43. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Texas?
  44. In the news, Texas had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  45. Texas: If You Don’t Hunt, Don’t Bother! (Skiing Jokes)
  46. A Texas man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  47. Why won’t any of Texas’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired.
  48. Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?… Because that’s the highest rating it could get.
  49. How do you tell if someone is from Texas?… They’ll tell you so you won’t have to ask.
  50. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Texas knock-knock joke?
  51. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Texas knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  52. What do you call a bounty hunter from the South?… Bubba Fett.
  53. How many Texas men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in Texas has any cents.
  54. What does the average Texas high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  55. Why do Texas students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  56. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Texas to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  57. How do you get a man in Texas to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  58. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Texas.
  59. How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  60. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Texas Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  61. In the news, Texas had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  62. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Texasto use their turn signal… I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  63. Why won’t any of Texas’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  64. What is the tallest building in?… Texas Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  65. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Texas Turnpike!
  66. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Rio Grande. (Ten Longest Rivers in Texas)
  67. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Red River of the South!
  68. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Brazos River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  69. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Mexico, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) t
  70. Where can you message people while driving?… Text-us. 
  71. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Texas. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Texas! (Teacher Jokes)
  72. Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Tech University library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  73. Did you hear the joke about Guadalupe Mountains?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes & Texas Mountains)
  74. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing the Texas plains when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  75. Why do Texas Tech students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  76. What’s the difference between the Texas Longhorns and cheerios?… One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn’t! (Cereal Jokes)
  77. Why do only 90 percent of Americans feel economic hardship because of $4/gallon gas?… The other 10 percent live in Texas!
  78. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Texas Resident: “No, not yet.”
  79. What do you call a car made in Texas?… A H’audi
  80. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Texas Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  81. Where do Texas elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  82. How many Texas Tech freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  83. Where do Texas middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  84. Why is “The Wave” banned in Jones AT&T Stadium?… Two Red Raiders fans drowned last year.
  85. Where do Texas high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  86. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  87. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  88. Why did the Texas regents decide to cover Texas Memorial Stadium in cardboard?… Because the Longhorns always look better on paper.
  89. Why do Houston Cougars students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked.
  90. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  91. What separates a good team from a great team?… The Oklahoma-Texas border.
  92. What do you call a college football team that used to be good?… TCwho!
  93. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  94. What did Texas see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  95. Why do the Texas Longhorns eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
  96. How do you make University of Texas cookies?…Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
  97. What does the average Texas student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  98. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Arkansas, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) Louisiana to the east, to the northeast, Oklahoma to the north, New Mexico t
  99. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Louisiana, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) to the east, to the northeast, Oklahoma to the north, New Mexico
  100. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Oklahoma, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) to the east, to the northeast, to the north, New Mexico
  101. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and New Mexico , where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  102. Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help. (Hurricane Jokes)
  103. A man dies at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah border… He had to have four coroners. (Cemetery Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
  104. March Madness 1983: How would you describe NC State’s last second play to beat the University of Houston in 1983?… Alley Whoooooooooooops! (North Carolina Jokes & Texas Jokes)