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(Texas Jokes)

More Texas Jokes…

  1. Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; “Houston, you have a problem.” (Hurricane Jokes & Astronomy Jokes)
  2. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’ (Election Jokes)
  3. What is the Texas state slogan?… Oils well that ends well. (Earth Day Jokes)
  4. Where in America should you go to feel good about yourself and life?… Fort Worth Texas! (Psychology Jokes)
  5. Why shouldn’t people from Texas be allowed to drive?… Because they’re always Texan and driving. (Car jokes)
  6. My friend asked me what I thought about the state North of Texas… I told him it’s OK! (Oklahoma Jokes)
  7. I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold’em… It’s called Pokermon.
  8. What does a fish from Texas say when he sees his friend? “Chowdy!” (Fishing Jokes)
  9. We’re in Houston, so don’t call us… Just Texas.
  10. The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, “Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.”
  11. Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?… Because that’s the highest rating it could get.
  12. What did Lake Texoma say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in Texas)
  13. Can you name the capital of Texas?… “T”
  14. If a cowboy rode into town on Friday and left three days later on Friday. How the heck did it happen?… The horse’s name is Friday!
  15. How do you tell if someone is from Texas?… They’ll tell you so you wont have to
  16. What is the tallest building in?… Texas Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  17. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Texas Turnpike!
  18. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Rio Grande. (Ten Longest Rivers in Texas)
  19. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Red River of the South!
  20. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Brazos River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  21. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Mexico, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) t
  22. Where can you message people while driving?… Text-us. 
  23. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Texas. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Texas! (Teacher Jokes)
  24. Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Tech University library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  25. Did you hear the joke about Guadalupe Mountains?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes & Texas Mountains)
  26. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing the Texas plains when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  27. Why do Texas Tech students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  28. What’s the difference between the Texas Longhorns and cheerios?… One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn’t! (Cereal Jokes)
  29. Why do only 90 percent of Americans feel economic hardship because of $4/gallon gas?… The other 10 percent live in Texas!
  30. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Texas Resident: “No, not yet.”
  31. What do you call a car made in Texas?… A H’audi
  32. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Texas Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  33. Where do Texas elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  34. How many Texas Tech freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  35. Where do Texas middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  36. Why is “The Wave” banned in Jones AT&T Stadium?… Two Red Raiders fans drowned last year.
  37. Where do Texas high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  38. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  39. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  40. Why did the Texas regents decide to cover Texas Memorial Stadium in cardboard?… Because the Longhorns always look better on paper.
  41. Why do Houston Cougars students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked.
  42. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  43. What separates a good team from a great team?… The Oklahoma-Texas border.
  44. What do you call a college football team that used to be good?… TCwho!
  45. Why did the Texas teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  46. What did Texas see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  47. Why do the Texas Longhorns eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
  48. How do you make University of Texas cookies?…Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
  49. What does the average Texas student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  50. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Arkansas, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) Louisiana to the east, to the northeast, Oklahoma to the north, New Mexico t
  51. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Louisiana, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) to the east, to the northeast, Oklahoma to the north, New Mexico
  52. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and Oklahoma, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids) to the east, to the northeast, to the north, New Mexico
  53. If a plane crashed on the borders of Texas and New Mexico , where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  54. Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help. (Hurricane Jokes)