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May Jokes

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May 4th: Star Wars Day Jokes & May the 4th be with you Jokes (Great ideas to celebrate Star Wars Day)

Top 10 Star Wars Jokes

  1. Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side.
  2. When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (Elementary teachers are great tutors!)
  3. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker? I Yam your father!
  4. How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?… With Ewokie Talkies
  5. Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?… At the Darth Maul, of course.
  6. What do Gungans put things in?… Jar Jars.
  7. What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?… A Sith-Kabob!
  8. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience.
  9. What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?… Chewie!
  10. What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name?… “The”

May 8th: Mothers’ Day Jokes

Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes

  1. What did the mother rope say to her child?…“Don’t be knotty.”
  2. What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!”
  3. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?… It’s time to go to sweep!
  4. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents.
  5. Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name? … Larry.
  6. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
  7. What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?… “We’re gonna have a BB!”
  8. Son: Why is a computer so smart?… Mom: It listens to its motherboard.
  9. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, do you say prayers before eating?… Student: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.
  10. Dad: Why did you chop the joke book in half? Son: Mom said to cut the comedy.

May 25th: Top Memorial Day Jokes

  1. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleeveis. (get it his sleeves)?
  2. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  3. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “ Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  4. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes)
  5. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. (Flag Day Jokes)
  6. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”? (Flag Day Jokes)
  7. What did one American flag say to the other flag?…..Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  8. What did King George think of the American colonists?…He thought they were revolting! (Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  9. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  10. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)

Revolutionary War Jokes, Civil War Jokes

Presidential Election Jokes

  1. What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures!
  2. What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College.
  3. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms.
  4. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  5. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  6. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  7. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  8. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!

January Jokes

January 1st: Top New Year’s Day Jokes

  1. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year!
  2. What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne
  3. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
  4. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security

New Years Eve One Liners

  1. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  2. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

January 18th: Winnie the Pooh Day: Top 10 Winnie the Pooh Jokes

  1. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to Jerry Maguire?… “Show me the Honey!”
  2. What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin.
  3. What does Winnie-the-Pooh and Jabba the Hutt have in common?… The same middle name.
  4. What does Pooh wear to bed?… POOH-jamas
  5. What does Pooh walk on?… His bear feet.
  6. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say when he was offered dessert?… “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
  7. What do you get when you cross a Pooh with a honey jar?… A very sticky situation!
  8. What is the job of Winnie the Pooh’s father?… POOHlice! He is a Poohliceman.
  9. What do you get if you steal Winnie-the-Pooh’s honey?… A nice clear table.
  10. What ship are Tigger, Pooh, Piglet, Owl, Rabbit, Gopher, and Christopher Robin sailing on?… Friendship!

Top Winter Jokes

  1. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
  2. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite
  3. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?… A cookie sheet!
  4. How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle!
  5. How does one snowman greet another snowman?…. Ice to meet you.
  6. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Answer: Brrrr- itos.
  7. What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash!
  8. Where does a snowman keep his money?… In a snow bank.
  9. What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes!
  10. Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball!


January: NHL All-Star Weekend: Top Hockey Jokes Check out our Sports Joke of the Day!
January: Australian Open: Top Tennis Jokes Check out our Sports Joke of the Day!


February 2nd: Ground Hog Day: Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes taken from Top Ground Hog Day Jokes!

  1. What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash.
  2. What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog!
  3. What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a puppy?… Ground-dog Day!
  4. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters!
  5. Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?… He was having a bad lair day!
  6. What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?… Ground Nog Day!
  7. What’s green, has four legs, and jumps out of its hole on February 2?… The ground frog!
  8. What do you call a royal groundhog?… A crowned hog
  9. What is a groundhog’s favorite book?… Holes
  10. What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?… A poundhog

February 7th: Top 10 Superbowl Jokes from Top Football Jokes (Superbowl Trivia)

  1. Why did the football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
  2. Why can’t the struggling quarterback get into his own driveway?… Someone painted an endzone on it.
  3. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game? If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
  4. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?…They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  5. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  6. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  7. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? A. “Give me my quarterback!”
  8. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… ALL the NFL teams not in the Super Bowl.
  9. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield? Because he was trying to make ends meet.
  10. Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.

February 14th: Valentine’s Day: Top 10 Valentine’s Day Jokes taken from 101 Valentine’s Day Jokes.

  1. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
  2. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
  3. What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
  4. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
  5. What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
  6. What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
  7. Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
  8. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
  9. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
  10. What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!

February 15th: President’s Day. Top 10 President’s Day Jokes!

  1. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms!
  2. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  3. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  4. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  5. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  6. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  7. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
  8. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  9. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  10. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!

February 29th: Top Leap Year Jokes

  1. Who is the best spokesperson for Leap Day?… Michael Jordan Hall of Fame Speech (Top Basketball Jokes)
  2. What is the theme song for Leap Day?… Jump Around by “House of Pain”
  3. What do athletes wear on Leap Day?… Jumpsuits. (Top 10 Sports Jokes)
  4. What TV celebrity loves Leap Day?… Kermit the Frog
  5. What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?… Hip Hop.
  6. Where do most people eat on Leap Day?… IHOP.
  7. What is Leap Day spokesperson Kermit the Frog’s middle name?… “The”
  8. What is a frog’s favorite time of year?… Leap Day.
  9. What do you call a surgery on Leap Day?… A hop-eration.
  10. What is a great video game for Leap Day?… Frogger!

March Jokes
Top 10 March Madness Jokes

  1. What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
  2. What kind of stories are told by basketball players?…. Tall Tales.
  3. Who was the poet of basketball?… Longfellow.
  4. How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?… Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
  5. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!!
  6. Why did the basketball player visit the bank?… His checks were all bouncing.
  7. Why did the basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball!
  8. Why do basketball players love cookies?… Because they can dunk them!
  9. They’re a team in transition… They’re going from bad to worse.
  10. Why did the basketball sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?… He was trying to draw fowls / fouls.

March 2nd: Dr. Seuss’ Birthday: Dr Seuss Jokes (Dr. Seuss TriviaDr. Seuss Quotes)

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We promise for find the best Dr. Suess jokes!  more good seasonal jokes and hundreds of Top U.S. Teachers who TutorFind one today!
  2. Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?… Because there’s always Whos there!
  3. What Dr. Suess baseball book was never published?… “The Cat at Bat!” (Top Baseball Jokes)
  4. What is Sam-I-am’s middle name?… “I”
  5. Librarian: Why don’t you take home a Dr. Seuss? Pupil: I didn’t know he made house calls.
  6. What do you wear to show you care that it’s Dr. Seuss’ birthday on this early March winter day?… a hat!
  7. If Dr. Suess was a a Technical Writer

March 3rd: World Book Day

  1. My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday… I couldn’t find the words to thank him.
  2. What did one book say to the other one?… I just wanted to see if we are on the same page.
  3. What do you do if pet starts eating your library book?… Take the words right out of their mouth.
  4. What do librarians hang over their babies’ cribs?… Bookmobiles.
  5. What has a spine but no bones?… A book.
  6. Why did the Rumanian stop reading for the night?… To give his Bucharest (book a rest). (Top Geography Jokes)
  7. Any book with George Washington’s writing in it is worth thousands of dollars. Any book with my writing in it is worth two weeks of detention.
  8. What would you get if you crossed a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer?… A choo choo Twain. (Top Mark Twain Quotes)
  9. How did the author of Tom Sawyer learn to ride a bicycle?… With Twain ing wheels. (Top Mark Twain Quotes)
  10. What happened when the bloodhound wrote his autobiography?… It got on the best smeller list.

March 7th: National Cereal Day

  1. How did Reese eat her cereal?… Witherspoon.
  2. Did you hear about Tony The Tiger’s murder?… Police suspect a cereal killer.
  3. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Frosted Flakes. (Top Winter Jokes)
  4. What do bees eat for breakfast?… Honeycomb.
  5. What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?… Boonanas and Booberries! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  6. Why do the a bad College football program eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl. (Top Football Jokes)
  7. What is a cheerleader’s favorite cereal?… Cheerios
  8. How does Salvador Dali start his mornings?… With a bowl of “Surreal”
  9. What do cats eat for breakfast?… Mice Krispies.
  10. Warning! Count Chocula is on the loose! Looks like we have a cereal killer on our hands.

March 8th: National Pancake Day

  1. Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He just flipped.
  2. What did the young pancake say to the old burnt pancake?… I don’t like your flip side.
  3. What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?… They both need a good batter! (Top Baseball Jokes)
  4. How do you make a pancake smile?… Butter him up.
  5. What’s the best pancake topping?… More pancakes.
  6. How do elves eat their pancakes?… In short stacks. (Top Christmas Jokes)
  7. How do leprechauns eat their pancakes?… In short stacks. (Top St. Patrick Day Jokes)
  8. When the little boy was making pancakes why did the batter run away?… Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
  9. Did you know today is Pancake today, apparently it just creped up on us..
  10. Thin French pancakes give me the crepes.

March 12th & 13th: Day Light Savings Time Jokes

  1. What does a clock do when it’s hungry?… It goes back for seconds!
  2. Why didn’t the clock work?… It needed a hand.
  3. At what time does a duck wake up?… At the quack of dawn.
  4. How do you know if your clock is crazy?… It goes “cuckoo”!
  5. Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?… Because she wanted to see time fly.
  6. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05) (Top March Madness JokesTop Baseball JokesTop Basketball Jokes)
  7. When does a clock strike thirteen?… When it’s broken!
  8. What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you?…Ten to one!
  9. What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?… Time to get a new car!
  10. Why did the girl sit on a clock?… To be on time!

March 14th, Pi Day: Top 10 Pi Day Jokes taken from 101 Pi Day Jokes
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  1. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
  2. What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Find a U.S. math teacher who tutors!)
  3. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
  4. Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
  5. How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.
  6. In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
  7. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!
  8. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
  9. The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.
  10. Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.

March 17th,  St. Patrick’s Day (Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!): Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

  1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
  2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
  3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
  4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
  5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
  6. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
  7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
  8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
  9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
  10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!

April Jokes
April 1st: Top 10 April Fools Day Jokes

  1. Do you know all about April 1st?… Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
  2. What’s the best day for monkey business?… The first of Ape-ril!
  3. What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?… On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!
  4. What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?… Prankenstein!
  5. What can be seen in the middle of the months ‘April’ and ‘March’, that cannot be seen in the beginning or end of either month?… the letter “r.”
  6. Can February March?… No, but April May!
  7. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?…. Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March!
  8. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who? Noah body…  April Fool’s!
  9. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah. Noah who?… Noah fooling this time . . . it’s really me!
  10. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah something?… It’s still April Fool’s!

April 5th Easter: 70 Easter Jokes

  1. What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter? … Tired.
  2. What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite restaurant?… IHOP
  3. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? … A receding “hareline.”
  4. Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail? … To a re-tail store!
  5. What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? … They lived hoppily ever after!
  6. What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food? … Hop suey!
  7. How does the Easter bunny stay healthy?… Egg-ercise and eating carrots
  8. How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking good?… With a hare brush.
  9. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a good joke? … It might crack up!
  10. What day of the week does an Easter egg hate the most? … Fry-days.

April 22nd Earth Day: Earth Day Jokes

  1. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in.
  2. “I have an obsession with wind farms.” “Really?” “Yes. I’m a huge fan.”
  3. What did one lightening bolt say to the other lightening bolt?… You’re shocking!
  4. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?… It waves.
  5. What’s a tornado’s favorite game?… Twister!
  6. How do hurricanes see?… With one eye!
  7. What does a cloud wear under his pants?… Thunderwear!
  8. What kind of bow can’t be tied?… A rainbow!
  9. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
  10. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?… May the Forest be with you.

April 24th Arbor Day: Top Arbor Day Jokes

  1. Did you hear the joke about Arbor Day?… It’ll leaf you laughing!
  2. Did you hear the joke about the oak tree?… It’s acorny one!
  3. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
  4. Did you hear the one about the redwood?… It’s tree-mendous!
  5. Why was the pine tree sent to its room?… Because it was being knotty!
  6. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks!
  7. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in.
  8. Why did you give the tree some aspirin?… Because I heard it was a sycamore!
  9. What kind of tree is often found in the kitchen?… A pantry!
  10. Why was the tree drooling?… It was a dogwood.