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School Jokes: The Best (& Worst) School Jokes for #Teachers

FREE U.S. History Lessons & Ideas

U.S. History Jokes for Teachers

  1. What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
  2. What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (Electoral College from Highest to Lowest)
  3. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Top George Washington Quotes)
  4. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  5. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Top Civil War Jokes)
  6. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
  7. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Top Civil War Jokes)
  8. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!

Donald Trump Jokes

  1. How is Donald Trump going to create more jobs?… By paying them to cheer for him at his campaign events!
  2. When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
  3. What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump?… A Cruz missile.
  4. Why shouldn’t Donald Trump attack illegal immigrants?… Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
  5. Fear is the Path to the dark side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to the Republican Nomination.
  6. How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice”, Donald Trump fired himself!
  7. Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?… Because all his other wives support Hilary.
  8. What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
  9. Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
  10. Why doesn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
  11. What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One!
  12. Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
  13. What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
  14. Donald Trump doesn’t believe in gay marriage, he believes marriage is about a rich guy marrying a much younger model.
  15. I don’t always insult entire nations, but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
  16. Everybody needs to comb down.
  17. I wonder if Donald Trumps Secret Service codename is “walnut.” So when he enters a room the Secret Service can say “The wall nut has arrived.”
  18. Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.

Honorable Mentions:

  1. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  2. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Top Baseball Jokes)
  3. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  4. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  5. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  6. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  7. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  8. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
  9. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!