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Top 3 Joke Pages
- What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
- What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (Electoral College from Highest to Lowest)
- How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Top George Washington Quotes)
- Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
- Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Top Civil War Jokes)
- What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
- Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Top Civil War Jokes)
- Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
Donald Trump Jokes
- How is Donald Trump going to create more jobs?… By paying them to cheer for him at his campaign events!
- When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
- What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump?… A Cruz missile.
- Why shouldn’t Donald Trump attack illegal immigrants?… Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
- Fear is the Path to the dark side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to the Republican Nomination.
- How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice”, Donald Trump fired himself!
- Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?… Because all his other wives support Hilary.
- What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
- Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
- Why doesn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
- What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One!
- Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
- What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
- Donald Trump doesn’t believe in gay marriage, he believes marriage is about a rich guy marrying a much younger model.
- I don’t always insult entire nations, but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
- Everybody needs to comb down.
- I wonder if Donald Trumps Secret Service codename is “walnut.” So when he enters a room the Secret Service can say “The wall nut has arrived.”
- Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.
- Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
- What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Top Baseball Jokes)
- What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
- Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
- What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
- What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
- Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
- Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
- Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!