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More Coffee Jokes…

  1. I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  2. What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Star Wars Jokes)
  3. What do you call sad coffee?”… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
  4. Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
  5. How are coffee beans like middle school kids?… They’re always getting grounded. (Middle School Jokes)
  6. Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
  7. What did the coffee lover name his son?… Joe, obviously.
  8. How do you discipline a coffee bean?… You ground it.
  9. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?… Sanka. (Ocean Jokes)
  10. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?” (Psychology Jokes)
  11. How does Moses make his coffee?… Hebrews it.
  12. Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black?… They’re out of KAREEM. (Basketball Jokes)
  13. Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?… Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  14. Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Police Jokes)
  15. What is best Beatles coffee song?… Latte Be! (Music Jokes)
  16. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)
  17. What’s the opposite of coffee?… Sneezy. (Doctor Jokes)
  18. What did the barista’s Valentine say?… Words cannot espresso my love for you. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  19. Why do I not like hot drinks?… It’s just not my cup of tea. (Iced-T Jokes)
  20. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?… De-calf-inated. (Cow Jokes)
  21. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. (Police Jokes)
  22. I just read that every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children. How do we sleep at night? (180 School Jokes)
  23. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?… Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says. “He-brews”
  24. How do you make Pig Jerky?… Give them some coffee. (Pig Jokes)
  25. I went to the coffee shop and asked the barista how much a cup of coffee was. He said, “Two dollars and the refills are free.” I said, “Great, I’ll have a refill then.”
  26. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  27. What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  28. What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing?… Stand your ground coffee.
  29. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?… Because he was pressed for time. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  30. What do kind of coffee goes well with a fruit cake?… Despresso. (Top Fruit Cake Day Jokes)
  31. Where does birds go for coffee?… on a NESTcafe! (Bird Jokes)
  32. Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?…..Who charges more per cup?
  33. Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee, it makes them boiling mad?
  34. The worst part of waking up (from a nap), is Folgers in your lap! (Napping Jokes)
  35. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?… Because they know how to espresso themselves. (World Geography Jokes)
  36. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves.
  37. There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.
  38. The coffee tasted like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  39. How did the hipster burn his tongue?… He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  40. Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team. (Basketball JokesTop 10 Sports Jokes)
  41. I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  42. How is divorce like espresso?… It’s expensive and bitter. 
  43. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face. He said, “Take the spoon out next time.” (Doctor Jokes)
  44. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.
  45. What are coffee shops in Russia called?… Tsarbucks. (World Geography Jokes)
  46. How does an IT guy drink coffee?… He installs Java. (Computer Jokes)
  47. I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker. It has a lot of perks. 
  48. I made my wife a cup of coffee today and she complained it tasted like dirt. I said, “That’s not surprising. It was just ground this morning.” 
  49. I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine.
  50. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?… Mugging. (Police Jokes)
  51. Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion. 
  52. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?… It made him too jumpy. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  53. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?… A brewhaha. (Boxing Jokes)
  54. If you spend too much time drinking coffee in the morning you could be latte for work again. (Labor Day Jokes)
  55. My sister made me some coffee today. I said to her, “You make a mean cup of coffee, sis.” She said, “It was good?” I replied, “I just said, it was average.” (Math Jokes)
  56. When I got to the break room at work I had that deja-brew feeling again. 
  57. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” (Milk Jokes)
  58. There is a time and a place for decaf coffee… Never, and in the trash. 
  59. The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce? 
  60. I don’t call it coffee, I prefer the term, “break fluid.” (Car Jokes)
  61. Don’t ever let anyone tell you fairy tales aren’t real. I wake up every morning to drink a potion made from magic beans that brings me back to life. 
  62. A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee. (Napping Jokes)
  63. Drink coffee… Do stupid things faster with more energy.
  64. A man at a restaurant was annoyed that the waiter hadn’t brought a spoon for his coffee, so at the top of his voice, and so the other patrons could hear, he states “This coffee is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.”. The waiter hearing this made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned promptly to the table with another coffee. “Here you are sir” said the waiter. “This coffee is not nearly as hot.”
    Instead of going to Starbucks, I make coffee at home, mispronounce my own name as loudly as possible, then light a $5 on fire. 
  65. Why don’t snakes drink coffee?… Because it makes them viperactive. (Snake Jokes)
    The barista at Starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote “callthecops.” I didn’t bother leaving a tip. (Police Jokes)
  66. A newlywed religious couple are lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?” The wife replies, “That’s your job.” The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?” The wife replies, “The bible; it’s on just about every page.” The husband says, “No it isn’t! The bible don’t say anything about brewing coffee!” The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.” (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  67. I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi. It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier. (Computer Jokes)
  68.  I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” “Yeah,” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…” 
  69. This morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. After 15 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized I left my car at home. (Car Jokes)
  70. How does Henry VIII like his coffee?… Decap. (Biology Jokes)
  71. Why are men are like coffee?… The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  72. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?… You channel surf faster without the remote. (Surfing Jokes)
  73. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?… Cream and Sugar. (Cat Jokes)
  74. Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?… It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
  75. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?… I asked for coffee.
  76. How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?… The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
  77. Why did the coffee file a police report?… Because it was mugged. (Police Jokes)
  78. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?… One person think its grounds for divorce.