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Official Inauguration Website
Top President’s Day Jokes!

  1. What might an older president need for inauguration?… Presidentures!
  2. What is the most popular college for inauguration?… The Electoral College.
  3. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Veterans Day JokesGeorge Washington Quotes)
  4. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (George Washington Quotes)
  5. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
  6. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (George Washington Quotes)
  7. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Civil War Jokes)
  8. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!! (George Washington Quotes)
  9. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms!
  10. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
  11. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent! (Civil War Jokes)
  12. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Civil War JokesTop Baseball Jokes)
  13. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (George Washington Quotes)
  14. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!” (Civil War Jokes)
  15. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  16. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  17. Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside! (Civil War Jokes)
  18. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. (Civil War Jokes)
  19. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm! (Civil War Jokes)

Top 10 Funny Statements by Presidents

  1. “I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” Ronald Regan
  2. “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Regan
  3. “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” Ronald Regan
  4. “Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.” Ronald Regan
  5. “I hope you’re all Republicans.” Ronald Regan speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt
  6. “I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” John F. Kennedy, addressing complaints that his father’s money was buying the primary for him.
  7. ”My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” Jimmy Carter
  8. “When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’” Teddy Roosevelt
  9. ”In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” John Adams
  10. “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton
  11. “If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln