Halloween Jokes: The Absolute WORST Halloween Jokes

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Worst Holiday Jokes & 101 Halloween Jokes

1. The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.” (Top Biology Jokes)
2. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck! (Top Biology Jokes)
3. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?… Lazy bones! (Top Biology Jokes)
4. What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing).
5. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
6. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?… A crummy mummy. (Mothers’ Day Jokes& Top Quotes for Mothers)
7. When do vampires like horse racing?… When it’s neck and neck! (Top Horse Racing Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
8. Who won the zombie war?… Nobody, it was dead even.
9. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?… Because you can see right through him.
10. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
11. What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)
12. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…Watch the board and I’ll go through it again. (Top Teacher Jokes)
13. How do you say goodbye to a vampire?… So long sucker!
14. Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank. (Top Biology Jokes)
15. What kind of dog does a vampire have?… A bloodhound. (Top Dog Jokes)
16. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.” (Top Biology Jokes)
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?… Frostbite. (Top Holiday Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
18. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?… Dead ringers.
19. What does a ghost keep in its stable?… Nightmares. (Top Horse Racing Jokes&Sports Joke of the Day)
20. Who lives in the scary Hundred Acre Wood?… Winnie the Boo. (Top 25 A.A. Milne Quotes)
21. How do you make a skeleton laugh?… Tickle its funnybone! (Top Biology Jokes)
22. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?… A pumpkin patch
23. What pants do ghosts wear?… BOO jeans.
24. What kind of boat do werewolves like?… blood vessels. (Top Biology Jokes)
25. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?… Because he had no body to go with.(Top Biology Jokes)
26. What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY!
27. Why don’t mummies take vacations?… They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind. (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
28. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?… Because everyone was a goblin!
29. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?… Day scare! (Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers)
30. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?… The trombone. (Top Biology Jokes)
31. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?… MaliBOO!
32. What does a bird say at Halloween?…”Twick or tweet.”
33. What does a panda ghost eat?…. Bam-BOO!
34. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?… His ghoul friend. (Top Back to School Jokes)
35. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?…A nectarine. (Top Biology Jokes)
36. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?…”Spook when you’re spooken to.” (Top Holiday Jokes & Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
37. What kind of mail does a celebrity vampire get?… Fang mail!
38. What kind of boat do werewolves and vampires like?… blood vessels. (Top Biology Jokes)
39. What is the problem with two twin witches?… You never know which witch is which! (Top Biology Jokes)
40. What pants do ghosts wear?… BOO jeans.
41. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?… A chicken sand witch.  (Top Geography Jokes)
42. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?… His transparents. (Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes / Top Father’s Day Jokes / Top Father’s Day Quotes)
43. What did the skeleton order with his drink?… A mop.
44. Why did the mummy get a headache?… Because he was GOBLIN his candy!
45. Who won the zombie war?… Nobody, it was dead even.
46. Where did the ghost go on vacation?… The BOO-hamas! (Top Geography Jokes)
47. Why did Dracula go to the library?… He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into! (Top Massachusetts Libraries)
48. How do phantoms travel?… Ghost to ghost.
49. What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?… A wide scream TV.
50. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?… Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!
51. What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
52. Who won the Halloween skeleton beauty contest?… No body. (Top Biology Jokes)
53. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?…Because you can see right through him.
54. What do you call a witch at the beach?…A sand-witch. (Top Geography Jokes)
55. Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?…Because he didn’t have the guts. (Top Biology Jokes)
56. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?…Because he wanted to get some muscles! (Top Geography Jokes)
57. Why did the vampire give up acting?…Because he couldn’t find a part he could sink his teeth into.
58. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?…Because there was a dog on the other side. (Top Dog Jokes)
59. What do skeletons say before they start to eat?…Bone appetite. (Top Biology Jokes)
60. What do ghosts serve for dessert?…I scream.
61. What monster wears the most clothes?…A werewolf!
62. How do you make a witch itch?…Take away her W. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
63. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.” (180 School Jokes)
64. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?…Because he had no body to go with.(Top Biology Jokes)
65. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?…Because he had no body to dance with! (Top Biology Jokes / Top Prom Jokes / Top High School Jokes)
66. What is a witch’s favorite food?…Goulash.
67. Why was the little ghost crying?…Because he wanted his mummy. (Top Holiday Jokes&Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
68. What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?…”Let’s get glowing.”
69. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?… A flying Band-Aid.
70. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?…Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
71. What do you do when you see a ghost?…Run away of course! (Top Track & Field Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
72. Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank.
73. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?…A cab.
74. Why don’t skeletons play music in church?…They have no organs. (Top Biology Jokes)
75. What kind of dog does a vampire have?…A bloodhound. (Top Biology Jokes)
76. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.” (Top Biology Jokes)
77. What did the werewolf eat after he’d had his teeth cleaned?…The dentist. (Top Biology Jokes)
78. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?…Ghoul-aid! (Top Summer Jokes)
79. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy. (Top Holiday Jokes&Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
80. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?…To the living room!
81. What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?…Milk, it’s white and good for your bones. (Top Biology Jokes)
82. Why did the Cyclops close his school?…Because he only had one pupil. (180 School Jokes)
83. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?…Frostbite. ((Top Holiday Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
84. What do you call two witches who share a broom?…Broom mates.
85. What do you call a nervous witch?… A twitch.
86. Why are all Superman costumes tight?… They’re all size S.
87. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?…Dead ringers.
88. How do ghosts like their eggs?…Terror-fried.
89. How was Frankenstien’s birth?…Shocking. (Top Biology Jokes)
90. Why can’t you tell a skeleton a secret?…Because it goes in one ear and out the other. (Top Biology Jokes)
91. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
92. Why don’t mummies take vacations?…They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
93. What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?…Life Savers.
94. What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?…The actors get stage fright.
95. What song do vampires hate?…”You are my sunshine!”
96. What did the little ghost say to his mom?…”I’ve got a boo boo.” (Top Holiday Jokes&Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
97. What is a ghost’s favorite ride?… A roller-ghoster. (Top Summer Jokes)
98. What do witches call for in a hotel room?… Broom service.
99. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?… Sherlock Bones!
100. I’m tall when I’m young, I’m short when I’m old, and every Halloween I stand up inside Jack O Lanterns. What am I?… A candle.
101. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?…A plumpkin