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Father’s Day Quotes

Check out our complete list of Father’s Day Jokes, Family Jokes, Summer Jokes, Kids Jokes, & Teacher Jokes!

  1. Son: For $20, I’ll be good. Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
  2. What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son.
  3. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Top Graduation Jokes)
  4. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?… A POPsicle! (Top Summer Jokes)
  5. Teacher: Where did your dad go for her summer vacation? Student: Alaska.Teacher: Never mind, I’ll ask him myself. (Top State Jokes)
  6. What did baby corn say to mama corn?… Where’s popcorn?
  7. What do you call a dad who spent all day at the beach?… Tangent. (Top Summer Jokes)
  8. Teacher: Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence. Student: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  9. How is the baby bird like its dad?… He’s a chirp off the old block.
  10. What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?… Spook when you’re spooken to! (101 Halloween Jokes)
  11. Boy: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Friend: Really? I bet they don’t fit.
  12. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate. Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
  13. Boy: I made a bad mistake today and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast. Friend: Was he mad? Boy: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!
  14. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking? Voice: This is my father. (Top Teacher Jokes)
  15. What did the daddy volcano say to his son volcano?… “I lava you” (Top Geography Jokes)
  16. What did Dad’s tie say to his neck?… Do you mind if I hang around?
  17. Knock knock…Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  18. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student:When my father sees my report card! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  19. Son: “Dad I’m hungry!” Dad: “Hi hungry I’m Dad.”
  20. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
  21. Why did the father wear sunglasses?…. Because his children were  so bright!
  22. Do dads always snore?… No, only when they are asleep!
  23. Waiter: How he would you like your steak? Dad: On a plate, please.
  24. Why did the dad love his barbecue?… Because it was the grill of his dreams.
  25. What did the daddy ocean say to the baby ocean?… Nothing, he just waved.
  26. Boy: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday? Friend: I love it!Boy:Why? Friend: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!
  27. Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
  28. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat? Father Vampire: By the wings, son. (Top Baseball Jokes)
  29. Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one! (Top Sports Jokes)
  30. Dad: How do you like fourth grade? Son: It isn’t much fun. Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  31. Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card. Johnny: I don’t have it.Johnny’s father:Why not? Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
  32. What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?Mom and Dad!
  33. My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
  34. Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephant? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
  35. Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
  36. How do fathers exercise on the beach?… By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
  37. How do you scare a divorced dad?… Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
  38. “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said.  “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  39. Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
  40. A Dad walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”