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Football Jokes for Kids

  1. How is the [insert your rival school] football team like an opossum?… They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  2. How do you keep a [insert your rival school] football player out of your yard?… Put up a goalpost.
  3. Why do [insert your rival school] football players go to movies in groups of 18 or more?… 17 and under not admitted.
  4. Why did the college football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back. (College Jokes)
  5. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Napping Jokes)
  6. How did Scrooge win the football game?… The ghost of Christmas passed. (Christmas Jokes)
  7. Two [insert your rival school] football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.” The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?” (Bird Jokes)
  8. What football play should you be suspicious of?… The quarterback sneak.
  9. What did the college football say to the punter?… “I get a kick out of you.” (College Jokes)
  10. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?… If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
  11. What do you call a lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker. (Father’s Day Jokes)
  12. Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?… Out to pass-ture.
  13. What do you call a [insert your rival school] football player with a National Championship ring?… Thief.
  14. When do [insert your rival school] players NOT run up the score?… When they are taking their SAT’s. (College Jokes)
  15. How did the [insert your rival school] football player die from drinking milk?… The cow fell on him. (Cow Jokes)
  16. How do you get a former [insert your rival school] football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza. (Pizza Jokes)
  17. Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta go back to football practice! (August Jokes)
  18. Why did Kansas take the shortcut?… Because it was Les Miles!
  19. What does the average [insert your rival school] player get on his SAT’s?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  20. How many [insert your rival school] freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?… None. That’s a sophomore course. (College Jokes)
  21. What are the longest three years of a [insert your rival school] football player’s life?… Freshman year. (College Jokes)
  22. What do you get if you see an [insert your rival school] fan buried up to his neck in sand?… More sand.
  23. Why do [insert your rival school]football players put their diplomas on the dashboard?… So they can park in a handicapped spot. (College Jokes)
  24. What is the most common phrase used by a former [insert your rival school] football player?… Would you like fries with that? (Fast Food Jokes)
  25. What do you call a genius sitting in the [insert your rival school] student section?… Visitor.
  26. What did the reindeer say to the football player?… “Your Blitzen days are over!” (Reindeer Jokes)
  27. What’s the mole’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semimoles! (Mole Day Jokes)
  28. Why do coaches like punters?… Because punters always put their best foot forward. (Biology Jokes)
  29. Did you here about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
  30. Where do hungry football players play?… In the Supper Bowl.
  31. What kind of ends do you find in libraries?… Book ends. (Library Jokes)
  32. Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?… The wide receiver.
  33. Who are the happiest people at the football game?… The cheerleaders. (Cheerleading Jokes)
  34. Why are college football stadiums always cool?… “Because they’re full of fans.”
  35. Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game ?… Because he had no body to go with. (Halloween Jokes & Skeleton Jokes)
  36. What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?… “Let’s wrap this up!” (Halloween Jokes)
  37. What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?… Football like no one has ever seen. (Halloween Jokes)
  38. Why was Cinderella such a bad at football?… Her coach was a pumpkin. (Halloween Jokes & Disney Jokes)
  39. Where do athletes go to get a new uniform?… New Jersey (Top Geography Jokes & Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
  40. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  41. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?… “Give me my quarterback!”
  42. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?… Because he was trying to make ends meet.
  43. When is a football player like a judge?… When he sits on the bench.
  44. Did you hear about the college football who wore two jackets when he painted the house?… The instructions on the can said: “Put on two coats.”
  45. Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?… Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
  46. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  47. What do biology majors wear on their heads when playing football?… Helminth. (Top Biology Jokes)
  48. Did you hear that some college football teams don’t have a website?…They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  49. A College Football Coach: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”