79 Presidential Election Jokes

by | Oct 18, 2020 | Education, Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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Social Studies Jokes

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  1. Someone just asked me, “Who do you think will win the 2020 Presidential Election?” I said, I don’t know, I don’t have 2020 vision.
  2. “Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton (Cemetery Jokes)
  3. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’ (Texas Jokes)
  4. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Presidents’ Day Jokes / Election Jokes / Book Jokes)
  5. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln (Civil War Jokes)
  6. Why did Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?… I thought he didn’t care about the 1%? (Iowa Jokes)
  7. Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand …on the other.” Harry Truman
  8. “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency – even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Reagan
  9. A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
  10. Who are voting for this election I’m voting for tricity so vote for tricity… Electricity!
  11. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms.
  12. What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (College Jokes)
  13. The 2020 election results are in! Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians. (World Geography Jokes)
  14. What do you call a Bee that tries to interfere with an election?… A Cagey Bee. (Bee Jokes & Election Jokes)
  15. If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election… But let’s not compare Apples to Oranges. (Apple Jokes)
  16. I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election… …females worked so hard to get voting rights! (Mailman Jokes)
  17. I’ve decided that I will not vote in the next election for the following reasons, please hear me out… I’m 14.
  18. Why did Ronald lose the election?… People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
  19. Maine Political Campaign Slogan: “Let’s Keep the Maine Thing The Main Thing. (Maine Jokes)
  20. Where do polar bears vote?… The North Poll! (World Geography Jokes / Bear Jokes / Christmas Jokes)
  21. Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead … … in all 87 states. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  22. Why did the Three Stooges win the election?… They had Moementum!
  23. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  24. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason. (Baby Jokes)
  25. Did you hear the one about the Senator who won his election despite not having thumbs?… He ran unopposed.
  26. It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns… Last time I voted for a real estate agent.
  27. “Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? ” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.’”
  28. There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc… … because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
  29. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
  30. I don’t get people who try to predict the next US presidential election… I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?
  31. What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  32. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote. Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn’t want to look suspicious. (Teacher Jokes)
  33. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  34. Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect! (Mole Day Jokes)
  35. Why are all the unemployed in Palm Beach County, Florida sitting on the dock?… An elections official said he needed help to count votes, and they all thought he said he needed help to count boats. (Fishing Jokes & Florida Jokes)
  36. What would you call it if SpongeBob ran for governor?… A goobernatorial election.
  37. If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
  38. What’s the difference between a presidential election and a NASCAR race?… In NASCAR they wear their sponsors on their shirts. (NASCAR Jokes)
  39. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Baseball Jokes)
  40. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!  (Civil War Jokes)
  41. I say this next election we learn from our mistakes in the past and try to move forward to a brighter tomorrow. This election vote… Hindsight 2020.
  42. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (Napping Jokes)
  43. How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?… All the red flags.
  44. Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?… Chairman Meow. (Cat Jokes)
  45. I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:… I’m Swedish.
  46. A lady who was known as Churchill’s main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, “Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?” Churchill sleepily replied, “No, ma’am. I do so purely by choice.” (Napping Jokes)
  47. Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?… Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. (Fast Food Jokes)
  48. We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.
  49. Why is England the wettest country?… Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. (Rain Jokes)
  50. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  51. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?… Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
  52. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  53. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  54. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  55. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar billWhy did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  56. It was so cold today… a Democrat had his hands in his own pockets!
  57. A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything… except office.
  58. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?… Your Honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?… Senator.
  59. What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?… “Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door.”
  60. Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.
  61. What is the difference between a politician and a snail?… One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.
  62. What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?… Senator.
  63. Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican?… The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
  64. Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
  65. Donald Trump Jokes: How is Donald Trump going to create more jobs?… By paying them to cheer for him at his campaign events!
  66. Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
  67. When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
  68. What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump in the primary?… A Cruz missile.
  69. How do you know the economy is only getting worse?… On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice,” Donald Trump fired himself!
  70. What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
  71. Why didn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
  72. What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One!
  73. Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
  74. What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
  75. I don’t always insult entire nations, but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
  76. Everybody needs to comb down.
  77. Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.
  78. Honorable Mentions:Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  79. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No. I thought he lived in Washington!”