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Top Joke Pages:
Summer Guest Blogs & Summer Jokes for Kids
- Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster… (Book Jokes & Maine Jokes)
- A man ordered lobster for dinner…And when the waiter brought it to him, he complained, “Hey, this lobster has only one claw!”The waiter said, “That lobster was in a fight.”“Okay then,” replied the man, “Bring me the winner!” (Boxing Jokes)
- I was a professional lobsterman… but I couldn’t live on my net income. (Labor Day Jokes)
- In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?… The crust station. (Labor Day Jokes & Bread Jokes)
- Why don’t lobsters share?… They’re shellfish.
- How does a lobster answer the phone?… Shello?
- Maine: We’re Really Cold… But We Have Cheap Lobster. (Maine Jokes)
- Why are lobsters bad at relationships?… Too shellfish.
- Why is a lobster a bad spouse?… Too shellfish. (Wedding Jokes)
- What is the perfect name for a pet lobster?… Clawde.
- What do lobsters drink in the morning?… Clawfee. (Coffee Jokes)
- Where does a lobster keep its clothes?… In the clawset.
- What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?… She lobster job. (Lobster Jokes & Maine Jokes)
- Did you hear about the fight at red lobster?… Four fish were battered! (Fishing Jokes)
- I was at a restaurant last night and I asked the waiter, “How do you prepare the lobster?” He said, “We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line.” (Cemetery Jokes)
- Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?… At the Bustacean.
- Irish Lobsters: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.”We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers.””Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.The constables looked at each other and one said,”We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.””Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?”The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow. (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
- What is a Lobster’s favorite shot in tennis?… The “lob” of course! (Sports Jokes for Kids & Tennis Jokes)
- What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?… The lobsters in the kitchen.
- Why did the lobster blush?… It saw the ocean’s bottom. (Ocean Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
- What did the confused lobster ask when he didn’t understand?… Can you please be a little more pacific? (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
- What did the lobster fisherman say when he found his crate empty on the wharf?… There a-piers to be a problem. (Fishing Jokes)
- What did the husband lobster say to his wife when they were arguing?… “I don’t think I sea it quite that way.” (Ocean Jokes for Kids & Wedding Jokes)
- Why is the lobster wearing seashells?… Se was shore they were current-ly trending.
- Why did the little lobster start wearing fancy clothes to the posh pier school?… She did it out of pier pressure. (Jokes for Teachers)
- What did the ocean say to the lobster when they saw each other?… Nothing, it just waved. (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
- Why did the lobster take such a long time to learn just the basics of the English alphabet?… Probably because he spent a lot of years at C. (Jokes for Teachers)
- Why did the lobsters like working at the Red Lobster?… Probably because it gets them out of their shells.
- Why did the lobster eat his meal at such an early time?… Because the food at the restaurant was served based on a first-come, first surfed basis. (Surfing Jokes)
- Did you hear about the lobster that did not know he won an award at the school festival?… He did, but he just didn’t realize his tidal.
- What is the first thing that parent lobsters teach their children lobsters?… It’s that they should not allow a turtle stranger in their homes or premises.
- Have you heard about the lobster that ran out into the cold weather without its shell?… All the other lobsters thought that he was cray-sea. (Psychology Jokes)
- Did you know that all lobsters are very sail-ective eaters?… They only go for s-pacific foods.
- What did the lobster suggest when none of his friends could decide what they wanted to eat?… He stepped up and told them, “Water boat having some tofu curry for dinner.”
- What would you call a marine crustacean who’s the gangster of the sea?… The mobster lobster.
- What do you call a lobster who won’t share with others?… Shellfish!
- Weren’t you a professional lobster fisherman?… Yes, but it seems that living on my net income was harder than I thought beforehand. (Labor Day Jokes)
- Where do lobsters and crabs go when they have to catch their trains?… They all go to King’s Crustation. (Train Jokes)
- A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. He has two in his boat when the police approach him. The man claims he’s not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he’s just taking them for a swim. “I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me. “So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back. Call who back?” (Police Jokes)
- Did you have the lobster bisque tonight for the first time?… Yes, and it was souper good.
- What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?… Claw-strophobic. (Psychology Jokes)
- What do you call an annoyed lobster?… A frustacean.
- Who brings presents to lobsters?… Santa Claws! (Christmas Jokes)
- There are no hipster lobsters… In a Maine stream! (Maine Jokes)
- Lobster Lawyer: He goes up to the bartender and says: “Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I’m a lawyer.” “Blimey… A lobster lawyer? That is impressive,” says the bartender. The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document that looks to be at least 100 pages. He slides it to the bartender. “This is a legal contract that covers all the questions usually asked of me whenever I walk into a bar. I’ve just finished a pretty rough case and would like to get to drinking as soon as possible, so if we could skip over the usual jokes and just get through this without delay I’d be much obliged.” The bartender looks at the lobster carefully, but soon nods in agreement. “Fair enough, mate,” he says. “Let’s work through this.” The bartender flips over the cover page and starts reading aloud. “‘Point 1: I am a lobster of legal drinking age and you’ll find in Annex A a copy of my legally acceptable identification.’ Well, okay, no problems there. “‘Point 2: You can serve me more than water and are absolved of any misfortune that befalls me while drinking at your establishment.’ What’s your favorite drink?” “Vermouth, usually,” says The Lobster, “but I’m hoping for a few stiff glasses of whiskey tonight.” “Okay,” the bartender continues reading, “‘Point 3: We’ve established I am a lawyer, and therefore reasonably wealthy. This should assuage any fears you might have about my capability to settle my tab, but I am happy to pay up front if you have any concerns.'” The Lobster slaps a crisp $50 bill onto the bar. “Well alright then,” says the bartender. “There’s just one more point to read and agree to,” says The Lobster. The bartender raises an eyebrow, seeing that he’s still on page one and there are a considerable amount of pages left to read, and quickly flips through a number of the pages to confirm that there is, in fact, writing on every page. “Look,” he says, “before I read the rest, I have to ask: why the large clause?” The Lobster gives a little sigh. “Dunno,” he says. “I’m a lobster. I guess I’ve always had them.” (Lawyer Jokes)
- What is the basic difference between a lobster and a mobster?… Just one ransom letter.
- If you bring lobster to class, you better share… Or else it would be shellfish. (Jokes for Teachers)
- Have you seen my lobster?… He’s a lost claws.
- Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym?… It pulled a mussel.
- Where do lobsters go when they need to borrow some money?… To the prawn brokers
- What music does a lobster listen to?… Bisque-o. (Music Jokes)
- What would you call a pet lobster you get on Christmas Day?… Santa Claws. (Christmas Jokes)
- Why was the ocean screaming?… You would too if you had lobsters on your bottom.
- Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?… He did it on porpoise.
- What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water?… Claw-Strophobia. (Psychology Jokes)
- If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get?… Snappy talk.
- I dated a woman who thought she was a lobster… She was the most shellfish person I ever met.
- Did you hear about the lobster that went to the party?… It pulled a mussel.
- I was boiling a lobster, and it started screaming…I felt bad, so I drove it to the woods and set it free.
- What’s a lobster’s favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar?… The crust station. (Pizza Jokes)
- A girl goes out surfing but does not return home… …sick with worry, her parents ask for help and the lifeguard service heads out to find her. Soon, the parents are informed over the phone by an excited lifeguard. “We have bad news, good news, and really good news!” The parent’s tears are instantly dried and smiles spread across their faces but also still some dread remains from the bad news. “The bad news is your daughter drowned, the good news is when we pulled her body from the water a dozen lobsters and 3 tunas were clinging onto her corpse, and the really good news is we’re pulling her up again tomorrow!”
- Why did the lobster cross the road?… It wanted to get to the other tide.
- Why didn’t the crab and lobster get along?… They were too shellfish.
- Why did the lobster blush?… Because the seaweed.
- I meet a beautiful crustacean the other day… but it seems that I lobst her phone number.
- What did the guy lobster ask the girl lobster at the ball?… “Shell we dance?”
- Waiter, waiter, this lobster’s only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner. (Boxing Jokes)
- Why were the lobsters out celebrating?… Probably because it was the festive sea-son.
- I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster. That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother. (Whale Jokes)
- I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said “Lobster Tails $1”. I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said “Once upon a time there was a lobster…”
- Waitress, do you have a lobster tail? Waitress: ‘Yes. Once upon a time there was a little lobster called Lenny and …”
- Have you found your lost lobster yet?… No, it’s just a lost claws now.
- What do you call a lobster who’s uncomfortable with tight spaces?… claw-strophobic.
- I can’t eat any boiled lobster, clam, or shrimps… I have some shellfish steamed issues.
- Did you hear about the lobster who was having a bad day yesterday?… He had been feeling crabby since he woke up in the morning.
- Why were the lobsters scoring at the lowest end of the C?… That’s because they all dropped out of school.
- Have you heard, the new lobster neighbors didn’t give any gifts to anyone on birthdays?… They’re quite shellfish.