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Google Search “Valentine’s Day Jokes”

  1. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, they had an apple! (Apple Jokes)
  2. Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, ‘I bet you don’t know what day this is?’ ‘Of course I do,’ he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office. At 11 o’clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and there at her front door was a UPS driver, in his had was a box containing 12 red roses. Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door, this time it was a deluxe box of Belgian chocolates. Eventually the husband came home, tired after a hard day’s work. His wife greeted him by saying: ‘First the flowers, then the chocolates, I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!’ (Ground Hog Day Jokes & Breakfast Jokes)
  3. What did the pizza say when it went out on a date?… “I never sausage a beautiful face.” (Pizza Jokes)
  4. Do you have a date for Valentine’s day?… Yes, February 14th. (February Jokes)
  5. I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong. 
  6. What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… We’re a perfect match.
  7. I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed. (Grammar Jokes)
  8. In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day… they surrender their love to each other! (World Geography Jokes & Flower Jokes)
  9. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?… For stealing someone’s heart. (Police Jokes)
  10. What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Hogs and kisses. (Farming Jokes)
  11. Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes. By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'” “But why?” asked Mike. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied. (Lawyer Jokes & Mailman Jokes)
  12. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers! (Farming Jokes & Flower Jokes)
  13. What did the calculator say to the pencil?… You can count on me. (Pencil Jokes)
  14. Where did the high-heel take its date?… To the football.
  15. Why did the banana go out with the prune?… Because it couldn’t get a date. (Banana Jokes)
  16. What type of shape is most popular on Valentine’s Day?… Acute triangle. (Geometry Jokes)
  17. Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?… He’ll dessert you. (Dessert Jokes)
  18. What’s the most romantic ship?… Courtship. (Ocean Jokes)
  19. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas, it’s Valentine’s Day! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  20. How did one drum tell the other about its feelings?… My heart beats for you.
  21. What are insects called when they’re dating?… Lovebugs.