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School Jokes: Jokes for all grades
Top 3 Joke Pages
Official Inauguration Website & Electoral College
- What might an older president need for inauguration?… Presidentures!
- What is the most popular college for inauguration?… The Electoral College.
- How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Veterans Day Jokes & George Washington Quotes)
- Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (George Washington Quotes)
- Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
- What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (George Washington Quotes)
- Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Civil War Jokes)
- Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!! (George Washington Quotes)
- How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms!
- Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
- Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent! (Civil War Jokes)
- What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Civil War Jokes & Top Baseball Jokes)
- What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (George Washington Quotes)
- Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!” (Civil War Jokes)
- What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
- What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
- Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside! (Civil War Jokes)
- Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. (Civil War Jokes)
- Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm! (Civil War Jokes)
Top 10 Funny Statements by Presidents
- “I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” Ronald Regan
- “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Regan
- “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” Ronald Regan
- “Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.” Ronald Regan
- “I hope you’re all Republicans.” Ronald Regan speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt
- “I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” John F. Kennedy, addressing complaints that his father’s money was buying the primary for him.
- ”My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” Jimmy Carter
- “When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’” Teddy Roosevelt
- ”In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” John Adams
- “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton
- “If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln
Donald Trump Jokes
- How is Donald Trump going to create more jobs?… By paying them to cheer for him at his campaign events!
- When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
- What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump?… A Cruz missile.
- Why shouldn’t Donald Trump attack illegal immigrants?… Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
- Fear is the Path to the dark side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to the Republican Nomination.
- How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice”, Donald Trump fired himself!
- Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?… Because all his other wives support Hilary.
- What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
- Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
- Why doesn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
- What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One!
- Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
- What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
- Donald Trump doesn’t believe in gay marriage, he believes marriage is about a rich guy marrying a much younger model.
- I don’t always insult entire nations, but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
- Everybody needs to comb down.
- I wonder if Donald Trumps Secret Service codename is “walnut.” So when he enters a room the Secret Service can say “The wall nut has arrived.”
- Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.