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Social Studies Jokes

Google Search “Election Jokes”

  1. Someone just asked me, “Who do you think will win the 2020 Presidential Election?” I said, I don’t know, I don’t have 2020 vision.
  2. “Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton (Cemetery Jokes)
  3. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’ (Texas Jokes)
  4. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Presidents’ Day Jokes / Election Jokes / Book Jokes)
  5. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln (Civil War Jokes)
  6. Why did Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?… I thought he didn’t care about the 1%? (Iowa Jokes)
  7. Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand …on the other.” Harry Truman
  8. “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency – even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Reagan
  9. A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
  10. Who are voting for this election I’m voting for tricity so vote for tricity… Electricity!
  11. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms.
  12. Why are all the unemployed in Palm Beach County, Florida sitting on the dock?… An elections official said he needed help to count votes, and they all thought he said he needed help to count boats. (Fishing Jokes & Florida Jokes)
  13. “George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.” Author Unknown
  14. Top 3 things Florida is famous for 1. old people. 2. “stand your ground” laws. 3. recounts! (Florida Jokes)
  15. Florida: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Florida Jokes)
  16. There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc… … because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron. (Mole Day Jokes)
  17. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  18. Why did Ronald lose the election?… People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
  19. What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (College Jokes)
  20. “Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” Joseph P. Kennedy
  21. The 2020 election results are in! Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians. (World Geography Jokes)
  22. What do you call a Bee that tries to interfere with an election?… A Cagey Bee. (Bee Jokes & Election Jokes)
  23. What would you call it if SpongeBob ran for governor?… A goobernatorial election.
  24. If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election… But let’s not compare Apples to Oranges. (Apple Jokes)
  25. What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One!
  26. I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election… …females worked so hard to get voting rights! (Mailman Jokes)
  27. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Baseball Jokes)
  28. A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
  29. I’ve decided that I will not vote in the next election for the following reasons, please hear me out… I’m 14.
  30. Why didn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
  31. I say this next election we learn from our mistakes in the past and try to move forward to a brighter tomorrow. This election vote… Hindsight 2020.
  32. How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?… All the red flags.
  33. It was so cold today… a Democrat had his hands in his own pockets!
  34. Maine Political Campaign Slogan: “Let’s Keep the Maine Thing The Main Thing. (Maine Jokes)
  35. What’s the difference between a presidential election and a NASCAR race?… In NASCAR they wear their sponsors on their shirts. (NASCAR Jokes)
  36. Did you hear the one about the Senator who won his election despite not having thumbs?… He ran unopposed.
  37. Where do polar bears vote?… The North Poll! (World Geography Jokes / Bear Jokes / Christmas Jokes)
  38. I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:… I’m Swedish.
  39. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?… Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
  40. A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything… except office.
  41. Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead … … in all 87 states. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  42. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  43. It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns… Last time I voted for a real estate agent.
  44. Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
  45. Why is England the wettest country?… Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. (Rain Jokes)
  46. What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  47. Why did the Three Stooges win the election?… They had Moementum!
  48. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  49. Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.
  50. “The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” Henry Cate, VII
  51. “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.” (Baby Jokes)
  52. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?… Your Honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?… Senator.
  53. What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?… Senator.
  54. “Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? ” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.'”
  55. “I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.” Adlai Stevenson
  56. “Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.” Author Unknown
  57. What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump in the primary?… A Cruz missile.
  58. When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
  59. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
  60. If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
  61. “Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” George Carlin
  62. “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” George Carlin
  63. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  64. “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” Winston Churchill
  65. “Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.” Gore Vidal
  66. “A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election,” remarked Bill Vaughan.
  67. A lady who was known as Churchill’s main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, “Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?” Churchill sleepily replied, “No, ma’am. I do so purely by choice.” (Napping Jokes)
  68. “A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” Bill Vaughan
  69. “If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.” Mark Twain
  70. “The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” Joseph Stalin
  71. I don’t get people who try to predict the next US presidential election… I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?
  72. What is the difference between a politician and a snail?… One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.
  73. “The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.” Karl Marx
  74. “There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough US congressmen.” Author Unknown
  75. “We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.” Woody Allen
  76. “If you put your politicians up for sale, as the US does … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” Juan Cole
  77. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote. Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn’t want to look suspicious. (Teacher Jokes)
  78. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  79. Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect! (Mole Day Jokes)
  80. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!  (Civil War Jokes)
  81. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (Napping Jokes)
  82. Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?… Chairman Meow. (Cat Jokes)
  83. Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?… Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. (Fast Food Jokes)
  84. We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.
  85. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  86. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill
  87. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  88. How do you know the economy is only getting worse?… On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice,” Donald Trump fired himself!
  89. I don’t always insult entire nations, but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
  90. What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
  91. Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
  92. What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
  93. Everybody needs to comb down.
  94. Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.
  95. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  96. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  97. “If you put your politicians up for sale … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” Juan Cole
  98. “By the time a man gets to be presidential material, he’s been bought ten times over.” Gore Vidal
  99. “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.” J. O’Rourke
  100. “In a society governed passively by free markets and free elections, organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy.” Matt Taibbi
  101. “Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” Isaac Asimov