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Top Boston Twitter Accounts

  1. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship) (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  2. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock! (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  3. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?…Liberty! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  4. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  5. How do people in Boston vote?… Early and often!
  6. What did the Massachusetts flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  7. If the Boston Celtics were chasing the Boston Red Sox team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  8. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.” Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  9. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory!(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  10. What do penguins wear on their heads?… Ice caps. (Top Winter Jokes)
  11. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  12. Why can fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales.
  13. What rock do Massachusetts geologists play with the most?… Plymouth Rock.
  14. Did you hear about the power outage in the Boston library?… Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  15. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  16. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  17. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party.(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  18. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  19. What’s the capital of Massachusetts?… M.
  20. What did the sea say to the South Shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
  21. What do Larry Bird and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  22. Did you hear about the map that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian.
  23. How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Teacher Jokes)
  24. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Neponset river!
  25. What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Top Baseball Jokes)
  26. Where do you find the Atlantic Ocean without water?… On a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
  27. What is the tallest building in the Massachusetts?… The Boston Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  28. Where do Boston fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Charles River.
  29. Why does the Tom Brady know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  30. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Massachusetts Turnpike!
  31. What projection is used to map the distribution Phillips Candy House chocolate?… The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection. (Top Geography Jokes)
  32. What’s in the middle of the (Atlantic) ocean?… Letter E! (Top Geography Jokes)
  33. What do Bobby Orr and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  34. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Boston. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Boston! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  35. Why don’t you see penguins New England Aquarium in Great Britain?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Top Geography Jokes)
  36. What is in the middle of Springfield?… The letter ‘G’! (Top Geography Jokes
  37. If a plane crashed on the border of Massachusetts and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes
  38. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Merrimack River! (Top Geography Jokes


Patriots’ Day is a Massachusetts holiday celebrated on the 3rd Monday in April. Below are jokes in honor of Patriots Day (Revolutionary War Jokes).
Patriots Day Jokes

  1. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  2. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance!
  3. What did a patriot put on his dry skin?… Revo-lotion!
  4. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
  5. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts.
  6. What ghost haunted King George III?… The spirit of ‘76!
  7. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree.
  8. Where did General Washington put his armies?… In his sleevies!
  9. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British.
  10. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up!
  11. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  12. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
  13. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty!
  14. Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?”
    Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  15. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler.
  16. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!”
  17. Why did the British cross the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide!
  18. Which colonists told the most jokes?… Punsylvanians!
  19. What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?… Beneduck Arnold.
  20. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party.
  21. What cat said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?… Paw Revere
  22. What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?… Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer! (Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)
  23. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?… Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
  24. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?… Monti jello
  25. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette
  26. Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  27. What’s red, white, blue and green? A seasick Uncle Sam
  28. Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked. (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
  29. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.
  30. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
  31. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  32. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?… The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  33. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?… The Fodder of Our Country!
  34. What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?… Hi, Pop!
  35. What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1776?… The Boston Flea Party.
  36. Why did the British soldiers wear red coat?… So they could hide in the tomatoes.
  37. What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?… A revolutionary warthog!
  38. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic pickle.
  39. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?… Yankee Poodle
  40. British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea.
  41. Who gave the liberty Bell to Philadelphia?… A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it!
  42. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
  43. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?… The Liberty Bellhop!
  44. The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.”
  45. A little boy just couldn’t learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn’t know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn’t come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to her office. “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,” she complained. “Come here, son, and sit down,” the dad said to the boy. “Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  46. What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?… Mt. Vermin!
  47. What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  48. What’s red, white and blue?…Our flag, of course.And a sad candy cane! (Top Christmas Jokes)
  49. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
  50. Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?… Because they lived in colonies.
  51. What’s red, white, black and blue?… Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
  52. What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!”
  53. What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?… A powdered wigwam!
  54. What did Paul Revere say at the end of his historic ride?… I’ve got to get a softer saddle!
  55. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Top Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  56. What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?… John Hamcock!
  57. What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?… A fire cracker
  58. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)
  59. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  60. What would you get if you crossed an idiot with Yankee Doodle?… Yankee Doofus!
  61. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!
  62. What are the two main rules in the Continental Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1
  63. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?… Fire crackers.
  64. Why were the first Americans like ants?… They lived in colonies.
  65. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert
  66. How is the American flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)
  67. What is red, white, blue, and yellow?… A star-spangled banana.
  68. What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever”!

Boston Marathon Jokes

  1. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet!
  2. What do Boston Marathon runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory. (Psychology Memory Lessons)
  3. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon race between the lettuce and the tomato?… The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
  4. How do crazy Boston Marathon runners go through the forest?… They take the psycho path.(Top Psychology Jokes & Psychology Lessons)
  5. Who is the fastest runner of all time?… Adam, because he came first in the human race!
  6. If Boston Marathon runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?… Mistletoe? (Top Christmas Jokes)
  7. How do you know your a dedicated runner?… When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
  8. How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?… When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.
  9. What do you get when you run in front of a car?… TIRED (NASCAR Jokes)
  10. What do you get when you run behind a car?… EXHAUSTED (NASCAR Jokes)
  11. Why can’t you take a nap during the Boston Marathon race?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
  12. What does a runner drink when she is in last place?… Ketchup.
  13. What do you call a competitive runner who just broke up with his girlfriend?… Homeless.
  14. What kind of running shoes are made from banana skins?… Slippers.

 
Top Massachusetts Jokes

  1. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship) (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  2. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock! (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  3. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?…Liberty! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  4. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  5. How do people in Boston vote?… Early and often!
  6. What did the Massachusetts flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  7. If the Boston Celtics were chasing the Boston Red Sox team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  8. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.” Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  9. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory!(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  10. What do penguins wear on their heads?… Ice caps. (Top Winter Jokes)
  11. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  12. Why can fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales.
  13. What rock do Massachusetts geologists play with the most?… Plymouth Rock.
  14. Did you hear about the power outage in the Boston library?… Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  15. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  16. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  17. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party.(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  18. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.(Top 4th of July Jokes)
  19. What’s the capital of Massachusetts?… M.
  20. What did the sea say to the South Shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
  21. What do Larry Bird and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  22. Did you hear about the map that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian.
  23. How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Teacher Jokes)
  24. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Neponset river!
  25. What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Top Baseball Jokes)
  26. Where do you find the Atlantic Ocean without water?… On a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
  27. What is the tallest building in the Massachusetts?… The Boston Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  28. Where do Boston fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Charles River.
  29. Why does the Tom Brady know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  30. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Massachusetts Turnpike!
  31. What projection is used to map the distribution Phillips Candy House chocolate?… The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection. (Top Geography Jokes)
  32. What’s in the middle of the (Atlantic) ocean?… Letter E! (Top Geography Jokes)
  33. What do Bobby Orr and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  34. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Boston. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Boston! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  35. Why don’t you see penguins New England Aquarium in Great Britain?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Top Geography Jokes)
  36. What is in the middle of Springfield?… The letter ‘G’! (Top Geography Jokes
  37. If a plane crashed on the border of Massachusetts and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes
  38. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Merrimack River! (Top Geography Jokes